Forget me not
by maddyv
Summary: Three years in to a blissful marriage between Elizabeth and Darcy and tragedy strikes. Darcy falls from his horse and suffers a head injury. The resulting amnesia causes all sorts of problems that ODC Will need to overcome to get back their relationship.
1. Chapter 1

**An excessively big hi and hello to all fanfictioners out there (is that a word?). so slight confession, ive been totally MIA on ffn for a while, ive been perusig other sites and reading non pride and prejudice books (ikr!). **

**A big thank you to everyone who is still reading and reviewing my other stories, i do keep popping back and try to read all of them. so thanks! you guys are amazing!**

**next comes an apology. I am working on a witches sequel, but ive kinda lost my muse. I promise i'll keep trying to find it (her?). In the mean time this was a short story that i just couldnt get out of my head.**

**loosely based on sophie kinsellas idea. IT TURNS OUT that there was a previously published story with the same name. Therefore i have changed the name to my original one (which is the heading of my notes.) I DID NOT COPY THIS STORY, I HAVE NOT READ THE OTHER VERSION. after general advice i am going to continue posting until someone tells me not to. i dont intend to publish. please do not review or share on good reads or other JA sites.**

_**Chapter 1, "a plan to woo in haste"**_

Darcy woke with a jolt, the elusive dream not quite remembered, and looked around. The carriage was a fine one, nicely sprung and recently purchased. The occupants comfortable even though there were five of them. Mr and Mrs Hurst and Caroline Bingley sat across from him, possibly less comfortably seated, as compared to himself, due to Mr Hurst's girth. After all he did enjoy fine food and wine and rarely thought beyond his next meal and the result was inevitable.

Mr Hust was, as expected, asleep. His snores surprisingly soft and consistent. His bulk taking up almost half the opposite seat. The two women were, luckily, petite and were sat without complaint. Although Louisa, sat in the middle, seemed the least comfortable of them all.

His gaze rested on Caroline Bingley. Her tall frame was gracefully seated, head leant to the side, arch of her neck was on display. He thought she was asleep also, her eyes were closed, but her body was not relaxed so he could not be sure. He studied her. The younger sister of his best friend, he spent a significant anoint of time in her company. She was sharp, knew how to handle the ton and her wit matched his in many ways. Their opinions about people often matched and he usually found himself enjoying her sharp comments.

In short, he was seriously considering a match with her.

Six months ago he likely would not have thought of it, but the summer with Georgiana and her... folly, weighed heavily on his mind. Georgiana needed a woman's presence and guidance. Caroline had attended one of the finest seminaries and comported herself with dignity and grace. She was not afraid of society, despite her origins, and Georgiana could use some confidence in her own life. If he could persuade Bingley to purchase, she would be the sister of two landed gentlemen, both relatively wealthy, which would go a long way to masking her father's profession.

She was also beautiful, in the conventional way, her skin was smooth and pale, her hair almost blonde with a few hints of her brother's red hair. An unusual colour but not unattractive. She was healthy and would likely bear children without problems. She also played and sang well, and her other accomplishments were as one would hope for in a wife.

Darcy turned his gaze to the scenery. Hertfordshire passed by the window and he could not help but compare the flat landscape to the wild and untamed beauty of the peaks. He sighed, thinking of his reasons for coming hither with his friend Bingley. He had promised, long ago, to aid Bingley in his foray in to the world of the landed gentry. So he could not, in good conscience, say no to the plea. He also was considering offering for Caroline and needed to witness for himself if she could handle being mistress of a country estate. He knew that Netherfield was nothing to Pemberley, Bingley had said so himself, but to be mistress of an estate was an essential quality in his future bride and Miss Bingley had yet to prove herself. He would have to endure the savage society for a time.

He felt no guilt at his disingenuous thoughts about the local society, or his potential bride's background. 'Twas nothing more than how most of the ton thought of those on the fringes of high society, it didn't occur to him that he might come to think differently in the future.

...

The morning after a soirée at Lucas lodge found Darcy, once again, in self reflection. Miss Bingley had proved herself able to run a household, in so far as he could see, but a pair of fine eyes found themselves intruding on his thoughts.

He was riding Mars, his latest purchase from tattersall, there was a fresh breeze and the smell of an upcoming storm. It was just past dawn, his favourite time of day, the air was fresh but there were few people about and none that would presume to speak to him. The young stallion was spirited and Darcy enjoyed the challenge of the mount.

He was riding out early, as breakfast would not yet be served, and was using the time to think through his plans. His expectations of the local society had not been far wrong, all excepting Miss Elizabeth Bennet, who was beguiling in her intelligence and witty conversation. He had spent most of last evening attempting to know more of her and had not been disappointed with the breadth and depth of her conversations. Her performance on the piano-forte, whilst not technically without fault, was enticing and sung with such spirit that he found himself stirred in a most ungentleman-like manner.

He forced his thoughts from her eyes. Even if he did chose to like her, she could not be a match for him. Her family were intolerable, their manners uncouth and their language coarse. Mrs Bennet was clearly out to trap a gentleman of wealth for any of her daughters. He thanked god she had set her sights on Bingley and Miss Bennet, the eldest, and had yet to turn her gaze to him. He frowned at that thought and filed away the idea of warning Bingley against such a match should his friend show signs of falling for her.

He thought again of Miss Bingley. He had not made up his mind, yet, but he was leaning toward the idea. He had heard from his sister recently and she had specifically written of her regard for Miss Bingley, which he thought was likely a form of permission from his young sister.

Not that he needed such.

Lord Matlcok would likely be unhappy, given her background, but he had given up trying to match Darcy after he rejected his uncles last suggestion over a year ago. Darcy thought he would probably be relieved to see Darcy married to anyone and the connections to Bingley and Hurst were acceptable if not excellent.

He was resolved, he would continue to observe, but if Miss Bingley continued to comport herself with grace, he would offer for her before he returned to London. He thought to himself that a bit of time and attention, courting unofficially, would likely decide the matter. He would not offer an open courtship for he knew where such a thing would end, however he would spend time with her, walk with her, and then he would know if they would suit.

He knew, once decided, it would take a lot to sway him from his path. In point of fact, and in his mind, the deal was as good as done.

With that decided he pushed thoughts of fine eyes out of his head and kicked his horse in to a gallop across the field. The fence in his path was not high and he urged Mars to jump. It should have been easy but a pheasant startled at the last second and Mars shied in the air. Only Darcy's excellent horsemanship allowed him to keep his seat as the horse landed but the buck that followed was too much and Darcy found himself considering how long it had been since a horse had thrown him, as he fell out of the saddle and before everything went to black.

...

Pain.

That was the first sensation, a deep throbbing, all consuming pain in his head.

He groaned and lifted a hand to touch the back of it. Considering how he fell he would not be surprised to find a cut to the back of his head. There was no wetness there and he was relieved. He then thought on the peculiarity of not feeling any dampness. Hadn't he fallen off his horse in a field? A field that had been rained on the night before? His eyes were still closed. This he noted with almost surprise.

It was then that other senses began to intrude upon his waking thoughts. He was not only dry, but comfortable and warm and most certainly not in riding attire. The smells that surrounded him were of indoors and fire and wood, a smell he recognised. But there was also a lighter, feminine scent, which he did not.

He tried to move his head and groaned again, at which point he heard a lovely voice hushing him and placing a wet cloth to his forehead. That startled him enough for his eyes to fly open. His confusion grew as he looked up at the canopy of his own four poster bed at Pemberley. The dark wood twisting in strong columns to a dark canopy. The curtains were not his but we're obviously of a good quality. One side was drawn and the other open and from that direction he saw movement as another cloth was pressed against his forehead. The motion was soothing and he closed his eyes, embarrassed as another groan escaped him, this one one of pleasure.

Once again the soothing female voice said calming words and once again the feeling of wrongness overcame him. The voice did not belong to his sister, nor a servant that he recognised and there were few he would allow to tend his sick bed, as that was where he likely was. His fall must have been worse than he thought.

His eyes opened again and he looked in to the relieved eyes of ... Who? The eyes were familiar, sparkling and intelligent and yet the name eluded him.

"There now" she said, her voice melodic and kind "Welcome back Mr Darcy. Did I not tell everyone that you would not lie a bed long, but I am all the more glad to have been right on this occasion"

Darcy just stared at the woman, what was she doing in his room? How had she come to be here?

"Miss Bennet" his voice was dry and cracked from disuse "I know not what your game is but I will not be trapped in this manner. I must ask you to leave my bed chamber at once"

With that declared he slumped back and his eyes closed once more, in doing such he missed the look of shock and concern that flashed across the woman's face.

...

_A/N - oh, i likely should warn about ODB here. you can probably gather from this first chapter that he likes miss bingley. in fairness there was no reason to suppose he didnt (i know we all hate her and i do like a story with some good caroline bashing in it) so fair warning, odb likes c in this, please dont hate me too much for writing it!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two 'Raze out the written troubles of the brain'**

When next Darcy flowed from the realms of darkness, towards the uncomfortable light of consciousness, his first thoughts were not of pain, they were of worry. He soon realised he could hear furious whisperings and the tone was that of concern and someone bearing bad tidings. His concern thus caught he forced his eyes open and immediately felt a pain through the eyes as the light hit them.

"Argh" his moan was loud and the curse that followed was unconsciously done. The whispering stopped.

"Mr Darcy" the voice of a gentleman, a memory urging at him despite the distracting pain. "I am Mr Cheltenham. Do you recall me sir?"

With his eyes shut and an arm flung over his face he coughed and swallowed before trying to speak.

"Yes" his voice was a croak "although the why you are at Netherfield, I cannot imagine"

There was a silence, then the doctor began to speak. "I am glad you recall me."

Darcy was trying to think throughout the stabbing pain in his head, "of course I recall you sir, you have serviced my family for many years. Why on earth would I forget that?" he knew he was sounding petulant, but why was this man, an old acquaintance of his father's remarking on his remembering him? Should he not be more concerned with the pain in his head?

"Indeed sir!" Came the patient remark, only one looking at his face would take note of the raised eyebrow. "And yet you have asked why I am at Netherfield?"

Darcy groaned again "I assume Bingley called you to see to me. My head aches following my fall. Perchance you could give me something?"

There was more whispering and Darcy chanced opening an eye, closing it again quickly.

"Mr Cheltenham. Would you kindly escort Miss Bennet from my bed chamber? It is highly improper for her to be here" his arm flung back over his eyes he missed the further whispering and only chanced to re-open them once he heard the door click shut.

"Now Mr Darcy, perhaps you could tell me what you recollect of your accident?"

Darcy sighed, he knew better than to argue with a physician.

"I was riding Mars, I do not recollect which part of the estate I was on. I was distracted, thinking about " he paused not wishing to discuss the subjects of his thoughts "many things. I decided to jump a fence. A bird was startled and Mars shied and landed askew. I remained seated but had been dislodged. When Mars reared again, I was unseated"

"I see"

Darcy opened his eyes once more, the frowning countenance of Mr Cheltenham came in to focus.

"How long have I been in bed? And how did I get here? And why in the blazes is Miss Bennet continuing to have access to my bedchamber? I do not wish to find my honour engaged when I was unable to protest!"

"Mr Darcy, sir. I am afraid I have rather a lot to tell you"

Darcy frowned, wondering what he could mean.

"I recall you telling me about the accident on Mars, October of the year 11 I believe?"

Darcy nodded at the implied question but regretted the action when a further bolt of pain went through his temple. He hissed in pain, pressing his hand to the offending side of his head.

"You are not at Netherfield sir, nor is it 1811"

Darcy looked around, realising he recognised his bedchamber from Pemberley. His confusion grew.

"I am sorry sir but you seem to have suffered a head injury. You have, once again, taken a fall at the hands of Mars. But this one was due to the horse bolting through a patch of woodland, I believe a low hanging branch was responsible for unseating you on this occasion. I cannot explain why your last memories are of your fall in the year of eleven."

"Good god man, tell me what year it is!"

"It is the year of 1815 and Miss Bennet is in actuality Mrs Darcy"

Darcy was silent, digesting that price of information "That cannot be true" was all he could get out before slipping blissfully in to the darkness again.

...

Elizabeth Darcy paced her chamber as the doctor explained the brief talk he had had with her husband of three years.

"You mean to say he thinks it is 1811 and he is at Netherfield?"

The doctor indicated his agreement with such a statement.

Elizabeth sank to the seat "He does not remember any of our courtship, our marriage?" Oh god, she thought, how can that be? How much had changed in the both of them in the year of 12. "What am I to do?"

"Mrs Darcy, in cases such as these, there is no way of predicting the future. He may awaken with full recollection once more, or he may continue to believe it is the year of eleven. Time and memory may return in a rush, in pieces or not at all"

He laid a soothing hand on her arm when she startled at such a pronouncement.

"It is best not to borrow trouble. His head injury is still serious. Let us concern ourselves with returning his health, and then we shall worry about what he remembers."

Elizabeth nodded. "As you say doctor, I thank you for your care."

Dr Cheltenham nodded, feeling sympathy for the woman in front of him, but unable to offer more than hope.

"He needs rest, quiet, cool compresses for his head and the bandage on the wound changing daily with the compress of arnica and rosemary and there is a tincture for headaches and laudanum if the pain becomes too bad."

Elizabeth nodded, making a mental note of everything, likely the doctor would leave a list with Mrs Reynolds.

"I would suggest familiarity. Ensure the servants who attend him are well known and try not to fill in the whole of the last four years in one go as it may be overwhelming. Your daughter should likely be kept away for the time being, the shock of seeing her will be hard on him."

Elizabeth nodded again.

The doctor patted her hand "Have faith my dear, all will work out"

She smiled thinly up at him, wishing rather than believing him to be speaking the truth.

...

The next few days saw an improvement in the master of Pemberley. He was awake longer, the headaches improved. Mrs Darcy was diligent in her care, coaxing him to take the medicine he did not wish to, changing his bandages, ensuring he was cleaned and changed and generally allowed to feel refreshed.

He would often wake to find her reading to him, and although the he did not remember her as his wife he came to accept her presence in his room given that he was assured that she was, in fact, his wife. His memory remained elusive. If anyone should ask him he could not recall anything from the time between his two accidents.

Dr Cheltenham remained hopeful that, with time, his memory would improve.

"Perhaps in the meantime it would be prudent to invite people with whom he is familiar. He seems fixated on his time spent with Mr Bingley in Hertfordshire. Could Mr and Mrs Bingley be persuaded to visit?"

Elizabeth smiled "I am certain they could be"

Mr Darcy had, in fact, had a similar thought. He wondered if he spent time with Bingley they could talk about their time in Hertfordshire and what had occurred to lead to... this.

He shuddered. He had stopped ordering Miss Bennet out of his room, but only because it seemed to only last until he next fell asleep. If he was being truthful with himself, he also enjoyed the company. She was kind, her voice pleasant to listen to and she soothed his head when it ached. Her compresses and tea were helping and he did not wish for a maid to be attending him. He had tried insisting on his valet, but the effect was not the same. If he had been at his normal capacity he might have noticed his valets disapproval of how he spoke of Mrs Darcy, but he did not.

He did feel strongly how wrong it was to have her in his bedchamber. He desperately searched his memory for how he had come to be married.

He remembered clearly his ride before the fall, back in 1811. He remembered her eyes had caught his attention, but hadn't he decided to court Miss Bingley. What had happened? Had he been trapped in a compromise? He could not think of any other reason he would have offered for such an insignificant country miss. One with relations in trade no less. What arts and allurements had she used to draw him in?

He had thought to ask her, but did not expect anything like the truth from her. If she had trapped him, she would be the last one to confess it. No, he needed another source entirely.

He wrote to his lawyer, hoping for details of the settlement, and perhaps some other information around the how and the when.

He also wrote to Bingley.

...

_Bingley,_

_I do not know if you are aware of what has befallen me at Pemberley these last few weeks. I am loath to recount details in a letter, however I would be most appreciative if you would consider a visit to me here. I will explain the particulars once you arrive. You are welcome to bring your sisters of course, my hospitality would, as always, extend to your family._

_Yours_

_Darcy._

...

Bingley, of course, was well aware of what had befallen Darcy, at least in as much as Elizabeth had shared with Jane. He had settled in the neighbouring county to Derbyshire after a year spent near his in-laws. Both he and Jane were quite content living within thirty miles of their best friends and family, as the Darcys were both to them.

Elizabeth and Jane saw each other frequently and corresponded at least once a week. Such news as this was passed directly. They had, in fact, visited briefly, to offer support, but had not stayed as they did not wish to be a burden to Elizabeth.

Even Jane was unaware of the extent of Darcy's memory loss, although she was aware that his injury had caused some issues. When Bingley received the note, he wasted no time in tidying up his affairs and arranging for a sojourn to Derbyshire. He would not have thought of bringing Caroline, excepting that she happened to be staying with them and Darcy had specifically included her in the invitation.

Caroline, for her part, was extremely curious. She had spent over a year lamenting the loss of Pemberley but had maintained a friendship with Gerogiana, in order to continue to claim intimacies with the Darcy name. She had then spent a number of seasons looking for a suitable replacement for Darcy in her imaginings. Now, almost five and twenty, she was facing one of her last seasons before being considered on the shelf. So far she had not found anyone who fitted her expectations, although she had had a number of offers. The news that all was not right at Pemberley was certainly one to make her take notice and she agreed, with alacrity, to accompany her brother and sister.

**A/N - ok so, im usually pretty regular with updates, but I dont think I'll be following my usual daily schedule. maybe everyother day? im gonna try to answer any comments too. the story is not as long as my others, twenty thousand words so far, and I've written all bar the last chapter or two. **

**so caroline is looking to tale advantage of odb. who thinks thats gonna go well? ;)**

**I've said hi to some of the reviewers so far, but ffn stopped me sending messages, it thought i was spamming. ill try and send more in a bit. thanks to everyone reading the story. the caro story is a bit icky, but i always promise a HEA (lol lpinney! always!) **

**in fairness, theres no reason to believe darcy didnt like caroline. he danced with her, and would talk to her and not many others. many people like to write he was just tolerating her (a very reasonable assumption given her irritating character) but im chosing to believe he genuinely liked her, until ODG showed him the error of his ways, which unfortunately is a memory at has been bumped out of his head! argh!**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 - words are easy, like the wind; faithful friends are hard to find.

Elizabeth received the announcement of the Bingley's impending arrival with a day's notice. More than enough for her dearest sister and brother, but when she read of Caroline's arrival she was glad of the warning. She made haste to the masters study, where Darcy was sat, to alert him. He was spending a few hours in his study and would then usually manage some time around dinner also, although Elizabeth was pained to admit he seemed less inclined to spend time with her at dinner than in his study.

She found him reading some correspondence. Reading took time for him, and he often asked her to read letters aloud, these must be letters of business. She sighed to herself, he had looked aghast when she had offered to read those letters also, she had yet to break the news that she was often a party to his business dealings and had made many of the decisions herself in the week or two he had been abed.

"I have recovered notice of the Bingleys arrival"

Darcy looked up "yes, I invited Bingley. I confess I am uncertain from whence they hail. I assume he no longer resides in Hertfordshire"

Elizabeth suppressed the desire to wince at the tone when referring to her home. "His estate is in Staffordshire, not more than thirty miles from here. They will arrive on the morrow."

She paused whilst he nodded, he turned away as if in dismissal but she persevered.

"He is bringing Miss Bingley, I am told at your desire"

He looked up again, eyes narrowing as he perceived her tone "I invited Bingley and his sisters, 'tis only right after they hosted me"

Elizabeth paused, choosing her words carefully "If it is only in recompense you needn't fear, you have hosted them many times since that Autumn"

"Well I do not recall that" his tone was sharp and Elizabeth did wince this time.

"Of course, I merely meant to reassure you. I believe we have not spoken of Mr Bingley." Darcy did not answer the implied question, however his manner invited her to continue. "You should be aware he is bringing my sister Jane, who is his wife." She stopped noticing the slight clenching of his jaw. "We were, the four of us, married on the same day."

"I see"

"The three will arrive around luncheon"

There was a pause, Elizabeth suppressed yet another sigh that threatened.

"I shall see to the room for Miss Bingley" she caught his look "my brother and sister are always in the Rose suite, and it is always in a state of readiness. They are frequently here"

Darcy merely nodded and she curtsied and left, counselling herself that she needed to give him time, reminding herself how difficult this must be for him. With that thought in her mind she turned on the threshold of the door. Darcy was stood, one hand behind his back one laid on the desk, his profile strong. The very picture of a gentleman at work. She felt a lurch in her stomach at the sight, not a month ago she would have approached and wound her arms around his waist, hoping to ease his burden. She knew he would no welcome such a gesture at the present time and the thought gave her pain.

"We have not spoken of our marriage" she did not add that they had barely spoken of anything hat was not letters or a book she was reading to him. "I am at your service should you need to discuss" she paused again, not really knowing how to phrase such a statement. How does one tell ones husband that they can ask about how you became their wife? "I only.. I mean to say, if you have any questions I am happy to provide answers"

She looked in to the depths of his eyes, their emotions guarded, and she felt further away from him than she ever had before. He nodded once and she knew she was dismissed, she turned in a whirl of skirts and was gone.

Darcy watched the door shut then dropped in to a chair.

Bingley was married to Miss Jane Bennet? How did that come about, did that have some relation to how he had ended up married too? Had Bingley been trapped also? He remembered resolving to watch Jane and Bingley, and had even thought to caution him, had he neglected his friendship and allowed a poor connection for him? Oh how frustrating everything was. As to her offer, to ask questions, he had no reason to believe she would tell him the truth. No he would have to find answers elsewhere, and he meant to.

...

By the time the Bingley's carriage was spotted, the house was ready for guests. Elizabeth finished a list in her study and made her way to the top of the house steps to greet her sister. She was surprised to find Darcy already waiting.

"I am certain they would not mind you waiting indoors"

"I would not do them such a discourtesy"

"Tis not discourtesy amongst family"

"And yet here you stand"

"I ..." She was about to say that she was not unwell, or injured or some such, but she realised that such a statement was unlikely to be met with a charitable thought. "I always greet my sister as she arrives. Even so I did not do so when I was confined after the birth of our daughter"

Darcy stood stoically, he had heard of their child but had not asked further details other than her sex, a girl, her age, coming up to two, and her name, Anna Jane Darcy. Elizabeth had been disappointed that he had done no more than nod, but realised that he needed time to process the information, as was his way.

She knew, of course, that Darcy was one who thought through things carefully before making decisions. It was one of the things she loved about him. However in current circumstances it was very vexing, for there was many things he needed to work through, and the more there were, the longer he would take to make any progress.

There was no more time to talk as the coach swept in to the drive, the horses hooves clattering and stones skittering away from the wheels. They pulled to a stop with some whinnying and more clattering and the groomsmen were quick to step forward and quieten the horses, lest they jolt the carriage in their disquiet. The door was opened and Bingley hopped down, his enthusiasm for arriving at a place rarely allowed for him wait on the footmen to lower the steps.

He waved in his usual jovial way and turned to help down the ladies. Elizabeth noted with annoyance that Caroline was next, for the order of precedence should have been Jane, but she started down the steps in anticipation of holding her sister. She did not note Darcy's frown but did see that he did not follow. She was too happy to care and flung her arms around Jane as they met at the bottom of the steps.

"Oh Lizzie, all will be well" was the whispered greeting. They separated and Elizabeth curtseyed to Miss Bingley before greeting Mr Bingley with an embrace.

"I thank you all for coming" and allowing Jane to take Bingley's arm they all started up the steps together. It was at that point that Elizabeth noted the frown of annoyance on Darcy's face. She sighed, suspecting she was in for a lecture on the proper etiquette for greeting guests, but she had always greeted her sister in this manner and Darcy was usually right beside her at the bottom of the steps.

When they had all gained the top of the steps Darcy bowed "Welcome to Pemberley. I am most grateful that you would come on such short notice"

"Of course Darcy. We will always be willing to aid you in times of need." Bingley, ever jovial, slapped his friend on the back "we are all most anxious to hear of your recovery."

Elizabeth spoke up "perhaps we should adjourn to the parlour and we can speak further"

She looked around pointedly and stepped up the last step, preparing to take her husband's arm. A shock went through her when he turned and offered his arm to Miss Bingley, who accepted with alacrity barely concealing the smug smile on her face. Jane shot a concerned glance at Elizabeth but she shook her head and accepted Bingley's other arm in lieu of her husband's.

When they were seated all eyes turned to Elizabeth, concern and curiosity written across their faces, and at least one had a calculating glint in her eye. Elizabeth turned to Darcy, to see if he wished to take the lead, but he had positioned himself by the fireplace, Elizabeth had an uncomfortable sense of deja-vu, recognising the stance and facial expressions from his time in Hertfordshire those few years ago.

She turned to address the room.

"Again I thank you all for coming. As you know Darcy took a fall off of Mars two weeks ago. As you can see he is recovered physically. We are thankful he had no broken bones, nothing worse than a sprained ankle and a wrenched back, both of which are fully recovered"

She paused allowing the well wishes of the Bingleys to be expressed.

"However the doctor is concerned about, well about the injury to his head. There is no easy way to explain but it seems that Mr Darcy is unable to remember anything of the last four years"

Jane gasped "oh how terrible for you!"

"Darcy, is this true?" Bingley was all brotherly concern.

"I afraid so. I remember nothing since our time together at Netherfield, or the first week of it at any rate"

Jane whispered "no" anguish in her tone, her hand flying to her mouth, her beautiful blue eyes full of concern.

Caroline's eyes widened in shock, then narrowed in calculation.

"Oh Mr Darcy," her eyes fluttered, full of apparent concern, she rose gracefully as if to move to him, but stopped, as if bashful. "I recall you had an accident with that horse whilst staying with us. Maybe your care is what is hindering your recovery" Jane and Elizabeth shared a look, and Caroline, as if realising an unintended insult, smoothly continued "I mean your physician of course, mayhap you should send for a London physician. If I recall we managed to find a London doctor to attend you the very day after your accident. And we all know how well you recovered from that"

Elizabeth decided to interject "Mr Cheltenham is well known to the Darcy family and his advice has been respected for many years. But we have, indeed, sent for some advice from London. We expect a response any day. In the meantime Mr Cheltenham felt that time and rest would be beneficial. But he agreed that some familiar people from his past would be of use. Especially those who also know him well now" she smiled around at everyone, even maintaining a smile for Miss Bingley.

"Now, although it is not far from Hansbury hall, I have no doubt you all wish to refresh yourselves. Jane, Charles you are in your usual suites. Miss Bingley you are in the Blue room, a few doors down from your brother and sister." Elizabeth noted the protest before it came, ignoring the discourtesy of a guest arguing about her room placement "I am aware you have previously enjoyed the corner suite Miss Bingley, but unfortunately those rooms are being prepared for Georgiana and her family and are not in a state of readiness for anyone"

Caroline listened to that information and paused a beat before responding "Dear Georgiana, of course, those rooms will be perfect for her for when she should chose to visit" Elizabeth waited for what she was sure was going to be an insult of some such, she was partially right "tis such a shame she has gone so far away. The Blue room is lovely I am certain."

With that, she rose, and the Bingleys all followed her out and upstairs to refresh themselves.

Elizabeth turned to Darcy. Georgiana was another subject they had barely talked about, Elizabeth was becoming wearied with the number of subjects that seemed to be building a wall between her and her husband.

"Georgiana wished to have a suite of rooms to make it easier to visit once she has a family"

Darcy remained still, a muscle twitching in her jaw the only sign that he was even listening, Elizabeth waited for a minute but when she realised she would have no answer she continued.

"I realise that Somerset may seem far away, but she intends to spend the season in town and she was expecting our visit soon"

Darcy wanted to ask questions, but was again struck by the notion that he could not trust this woman. There were so many questions and he knew not where to begin. No, he needed another source.

"Is she visiting soon? Seeing as we cannot go to her"

Elizabeth closed her eyes and looked down, recalling the letter she had recently received from her sister.

...

_Dearest Elizabeth,_

_I am horrified to hear of what has befallen my brother, I am so grateful you are there to take care of him. I would trust no one else. I am praying for his recovery and am certain your care would be exemplary._

_I regret to inform you that I am unable to attend you there at Pemberley. I am truly sorry but I cannot travel right away. You will recall that five months ago I believed I may be with child, but it was not to be. The bleeding was difficult but I recovered and am once again delayed in my courses. Given the difficulty my mother had carrying me I have consulted with a doctor. He thinks I may be carrying my dear Henry's heir, however he recommends to stay at home and not tax myself._

_I would ask you not to tell my brother of my condition, I would not wish to worry him, and I could not bear it if it was known that I have lost a child._

_I will write often and I am hoping you will send me frequent updates._

_Your most affectionate sister_

_G_

...

Elizabeth understood her reluctance to share such news so early in a pregnancy, and she was aware of how sad Georgiana had been after her last excitement had come to nothing. Lady Anne had miscarried repeatedly between Darcy and Georgiana and she knew her sister was concerned about her ability to carry a child. The knowledge left Elizabeth in a difficult situation, for she did not wish to betray her sisters trust.

"She wrote to say she is unable to visit at the present time as there are some difficulties at home. She sends her best wishes for your health and will write to you as soon as she is able"

Darcy could tell that Elizabeth was prevaricating, he didn't examine the feeling too closely, he just knew she was not telling the truth.

"May I read her letter?"

Elizabeth looked up, wide eyed. "No!" She exclaimed "I mean, she spoke of some things she would not wish her brother to read of" Elizabeth blushed, hating the lie "you have never asked to read her letters before, I shall ask her to write you herself"

Darcy stared at his wife, his thought tripping over the word as it always did, wife, how could she lie outright? Finally he nodded and turned to go to his study.

Elizabeth sat down, heavily, in a chair and sighed, how could things go so wrong?

..

A/N **hey everyone. thanks so much for the reviews and for reading. my mail box is overflowing with ffn messages about people following etc.. its amazing. you guys are so great.**

**I feel now is a good time to disclaimer etc.. JA owns the characters, i am free and easy with where i take them. This work is my own, but given the number of ffn out there similarities are possible, and completely coincidental. **

**Most of how these characters react is just my opinion. I often write characters in a contrary manner, i cannot please everyone. It would be boring to try!**

**I have no betas to thank, but you readers make this worthwhile. i edit my own work, mistakes are inevitable. i will correct if you point it out.**


	4. Chapter 4

**For those sharp eyed people put there, you may have noticed that my chapter headings are shakespear quotes. ive tried to find quotes that sum up my thoughts on the chapter. i may have to deviate from shakespeare at some point. but in the mean time...**

**chapter 4 - Of all base passions, fear is the most accursed.**

Elizabeth found time to be alone with Jane the morning after she arrived.

"Oh Lizzie, tell me everything that you were unable to say in a letter."

Elizabeth just looked at her dearest sister and felt her eyes fill with tears.

"Oh Lizzie, I am so sorry" and Jane put her arms around her sister and held her whilst she wept. It seemed an indeterminate time later, but eventually the tears stopped flowing. Elizabeth wiped her nose with a handkerchief and sat back.

"I know I should be grateful that he was not hurt more, and I am, so grateful" she stopped and took a deep breath "Jane, do you recall how Fitzwilliam acted when we first met?"

Jane frowned slightly, "I recall you did not seem to get along well, he is always uncomfortable in the presence of strangers, even now."

Elizabeth smiled a half smile "oh Jane, that is how you would see it. Darcy was insulting and disdainful and he looked down on most of Hertfordshire. Oh I know him better now" she said waving at Jane to stop her protest "I know he was having a difficult time, due some issues with Georgiana and he did not like assemblies, as well as hearing all of our neighbours gossiping about his wealth. I know he had good reason for being detached, but he appears to feel like I was a mistake. Or something. He obviously only remembers me as being tolerable and cannot see that his feelings changed"

"Surely, dear sister, you could explain to him how things came to be?"

"I have tried" she exclaimed with feeling "everytime I suggest we discuss the last three years he claims a headache, or a pressing matter of business. We have had naught but the barest discussions of our past"

Jane sighed, and covered her sisters hands with her own "dear one, do not fret. Think how you would feel if you awoke to find yourself married to Mr Darcy and unable to remember the time between that night at the assembly, where you were convinced he did not like you, and now when you are married with a child and living a completely different life. Can you see how difficult that would be?"

Elizabeth smiled a grim smile. "You are correct, of course. I am expecting too much"

"And fearing much?"

"Indeed. I fear losing" a sigh escaped her lips "So much"

Jane frowned "How so?"

Elizabeth looked at her dearest sister, not knowing if she should share her fears, the ones that plagued her as she lay a-bed at night, alone and acknowledging that even if she weren't alone she would still be lonely. She looked over to the window, the clouds outside were grey and moving with an unusual restless energy. They were heavy, but the rain seemed to be waiting for something, as if it was not quite ready to fall. She shivered, wondering if a storm was coming. She thought on what was worrying her.

Her marriage was unique, she was not naive enough to to think she was the only woman who enjoyed a unique relationship, but she was certain that hers was the only type she would love as she did. Darcy listened to her and respected her intelligence and sought her opinion, he supported her in times of need and, most importantly, enjoyed her company. She knew what her sister would say, what the doctor would say, likely what everyone would say. Give it time, allow him to heal and recover and, hopefully, remember. But her fear was that he would not. He seemed to hold so much resentment over their marriage, so much animosity towards her, and he seemed so unwilling to talk about it with her.

Jane was watching her with anticipation writ across her face. Elizabeth decided to open up, if not fully.

"I fear he does not trust me, and the more he acts this way the less I trust him. How can we have a marriage without trust?"

Jane smiled in sympathy, "Just give it time, and continue to show him why he chose you as his wife"

Elizabeth could not help the thought that drifted through her head, what if he does not let me? And she shivered as a draft blew through the room. She smiled and nodded as she rose and moved to close the open window, resolving to try to put her worst fears to rest. For now.

...

Twas not far away, in the garden, that Mr Darcy was strolling with Miss Bingley on his arm. He looked at the tall lady by his side and felt, again, the objective acknowledgement of her grace. She moved well, in the manner that gently bred ladies did, displaying their figures to the greatest advantage. He thought of Mrs Darcy, she had a figure that was light and pleasing and he was certainly attracted to her. He did not wish to acknowledge his attraction, focussing instead on the thought that it was possibly this lustful side of him that had been responsible for their marriage.

He had been pondering on the likelihood of Elizabeth having compromised him, but he had to acknowledge that it was possible he had compromised himself. These lustful thoughts could have driven him to offer for her, she could have drawn him in. She would not have refused an offer from the master of Pemberley, not with her background and family situation.

It was possible that was how things had progressed, he feared it was so.

He pushed away such negative thoughts and turned to the woman at his side.

Miss Bingley had be delighted with his offer for a walk, hoping it showed his good opinion of her, and she was waiting for a chance to find out if there was any way of separating Elizabeth from Pemberley, for her benefit of course.

"Miss Bingley, I wonder if I might beg a favour of you?"

She smiled, coquettish, at him "Why Mr Darcy, you may ask me anything. We have always been good friends, and not just for my brother's sake I hope"

Darcy nodded in acknowledgement of her statement. "Might I ask you," he hesitated, looking up at the grey rolling clouds trying to focus his thoughts "might I ask you some, likely impertinent, questions regarding the past four years?"

"Of course" she murmured, laying a hand on his arm in comfort "it must be so distressing for you to find yourself here, surrounded by relative strangers, with so much time having passed. I am so sorry for what you have endured"

"I thank you" Darcy did feel exceptionally adrift, he glanced again at the rolling clouds, feeling much like the leaf he viewed being tossed in the wind. "I wonder, would you tell me of changes to yourself? What have you been doing these past years?"

Caroline talked a little about staying with Louisa and Bingley, and connections she had made. Darcy found himself drifting, not really interested in names and dates.

"How have you remained unmarried? You are a lovely woman, if you do not mind my saying so?"

Caroline laughed and pushed him lightly "oh you flatterer," she took a deep sigh and affected a look of pained acceptance "I am afraid tis a sorry tale. I did entertain hopes of a gentleman of excellent connections and fortune, but he married elsewhere and I have yet to find a suitable replacement." She sent a flirtatious look his way "I have had a few offers but none who have replaced him in my affections." She sighed as if wounded, pressing her hand to her heart, drawing his attention to her décolletage.

"I see, I am sorry." He did not know how to continue.

"Tis no concern. I am perfectly content" Caroline affected a wounded look.

"Might I ask." Darcy sighed "I feel somewhat lost, and I find that when one looses ones way he best action is to start at the beginning"

Caroline smiled at him, although she was not sure she was following. "How may I help?"

"Would you tell me what happened at Netherfield, how long did I stay? What did we do?"

Of course Caroline simpered, exceptionally pleased she was able to tell the story with her own slants on it.

"You remember the Lucas soirée?"

Darcy nodded, remembering commenting to MIss Bingley about Elizabeth's eyes.

"I assume you are most interested in the Bennet family? We had such a merry party, the five of us. You gentleman had some excellent sport and the evening dinners were intimate but such fun" she sighed, pressing her hand to his arm again.

"One evening you gentlemen were to dine with the officers and Louisa and I felt that we would like to know more of dear Jane, she was a sweet girl, and so invited her to dine. However she was sent on horseback, despite the threat of rain and the poor thing was soaked through. I remember you commenting later that it was likely engineered by her mother."

Darcy made a noise which could have been one of disgust or merely an invitation for her to continue.

"Well the poor dear became ill, and the next day Elizabeth walked three miles in the rain sodden ground to see her. She looked quite wild, we were, all of us, quite shocked by her appearance, for we had not long sat down to break our fast. It was likely by design also, but she stayed to care for Jane."

"I see" he wanted to ask if Miss Elizabeth had sought him out, or tried to entice him, but he knew he should not dishonour his wife with such questions. He was already bordering on inappropriate by allowing Caroline to speak freely of Elizabeth. She had not said anything disparaging, and he would not allow insults of course, but he needed to know how they had acted, when and how their courtship had began.

"I recall finding her eyes rather fine, that night at Lucas lodge."

Caroline grimaced, but Darcy was looking at the horizon "yes, we did speak of it. Although at that time you said nothing of deeper feelings. In fact you rarely spoke much of her, although when you were both in a room together you would occasionally debate with her."

Darcy frowned "might you give an example?"

"I remember a discussion about accomplishments. Forgive me I do not recall the details, however you and I were talking of accomplishments and Elizabeth was rather contrary when claiming how difficult it was to find women of superior accomplishments, such as those you and I are familiar with. It was rather tiring"

Darcy agreed, arguments were tiring, and to claim that women could not be accomplished? Showed a rather small town mentality, he thought, with resignation. It all fit with what he had expected.

"How long did they stay?"

"Not quite a week" Caroline directed their steps to circle the formal gardens again "I remember thinking that Jane seemed recovered after a few days, but somehow they stayed longer. It is possible Elizabeth wished to stay longer" she affected a look of puzzlement "I recall her saying something of the kind. But I am afraid tis too long ago for me to remember the details."

Darcy nodded, inviting her to continue with the story.

"After that the house went back to its blissful quiet. Twas so pleasant to have ones house to ones self when guests overstay their welcome"

Darcy grimaced, thinking on the concept of unwanted guests.

"We did not see much of them for the week following that. They had a cousin staying. He was courting Miss Elizabeth, I believe, but he offered for Miss Charlotte Lucas, as was. I believe Elizabeth took that rejection as quite upsetting. The cousin was to inherit Longbourn and I certainly overheard Mrs Bennet forwarding the connection."

They turned again and continued on another manicured path. Darcy looked around. The formal gardens were well maintained, but Darcy longed to turn his feet to the wilder paths. He could see beyond the gardens that there were some new paths leading to spots he had liked in his youth. One led throughout a small copse of woods and he knew there was a little stream that ran through the trees. He could make out some wild flowers growing either side of the path leading towards the trees. His attention was drawn back to Caroline who clearly favoured the even paths of the manicured garden.

"We held a ball at Netherfield a week later." She stopped as if concerned and ducked her head.

"Pray continue"

"I am sorry Mr Darcy, but I cannot continue without speaking ill of your in laws and I do not wish to do so." She affected a look of concern.

"I would ask for your forthrightness on this occasion"

Caroline looked intently at him, as if to consider his words, she then gave him a small smile, hiding the smirk she wished to display "if you insist. Unfortunately the whole ball was a disaster due to the Bennets. The younger two ran wild, and I believe over indulged in the punch. The middle sister, I forget her name, insisted on playing poorly during the dinner. Mrs Bennet was loudly enthusiastic about the match between my brother and Jane" she turned as if concerned "you must understand that at that stage they were merely friendly, no proposal had been made." Darcy nodded.

"We left Netherfield the following day, Charles had business in town and you did not wish to stay longer. A Mr Wickham had joined the militia, and you wished to leave. I know he had used your family ill and you wished to be away"

"Whickam!" He exclaimed. "Will I never be rid of him"

"Not now he is your brother"

Darcy stopped moving and Caroline jolted to a stop.

He breathed in through his nose, nostrils flaring as he attempted to contain his anger.

"My brother?"

Caroline resisted another urge to smirk

"Oh, Mr Darcy I am so sorry. How foolish of me. We have been asked to be cautious of what we speak so as not to shock you. I ... It just came out. The whole situation was so shocking." She trailed off, as if at a loss for words.

"I believe we should return to the house"

"Yes indeed" she murmured. She thought through the last half hour with satisfaction. She had feared being asked about their time in London, and their attempts to keep Bingley from Jane. 'Twas likely a story that would be better told by her brother, she was not certain how to spin it to her advantage. Dropping Wickham's name had seemed the best way to deflect further questions. It had the added benefit of making her look good and his wife, God how Caroline hated that woman, seem bad.

...

Darcy fumed, Wickham was his brother? Which one of the Bennets had he married? And how had he allowed it? He could not envision a situation where he would willingly marry someone connected to Wickham. Had he been engaged before Wickham had chosen one of the other Bennets? But why would he not have stopped it? Had Elizabeth kept this from him? Oh! And Poor Georgiana, how did she feel about this?

He paced his study, each thought darker than the next, his temper matching the darkening clouds outside the window. What should he do? He knew he needed to speak to Elizabeth, but he was so angry right now that he did not trust himself. The anger he felt was unusual for him. He felt a sort of blind rage build in him, he wished to hit something, anything, and he could not seem to control it.

He breathed deeply, in through his nose, out through his mouth. One. Two. Three. The anger started to abate, the clouds affecting his vision clearing. A throbbing pain started to intrude upon his notice. A deep pain in the back of his head, shooting sharp piercing jolts of pain forward through his skull, his eyes, his neck. The pain was all he could focus on, all that seemed to matter.

He sat down heavily in the chair behind his desk and dropped his head in to his hands, clouds once again intruding on his vision, these were clouds of pain and could not be overcome by breathing.

He barely took note of the rustle of skirts.

"Fitzwilliam, what has become of you?"

The cool cloth pressed to his head felt amazing, he did not take note of the whispered words of instruction as Elizabeth frantically gave orders and moved to draw the curtains, plunging the room in to darkness, nor did he note the gentle hands that encouraged him to stand and guided him to lie on his settle. Another cool compress and encouragement to drink a tea, bitter underneath but sweetened with honey.

The effect was fast, the pain started to recede, and the soothing words of comfort started to have an effect.

He allowed himself to fall asleep.

**A/N - so, first off many thanks to the reviewers out there. i am glad you are enjoying the story. I would reply to everyone but my attention was caught by someone (huh?) suggesting there is another copy of 'Mr Darcy forgets' out there. my original notes are under 'forget me not' (which of course, i have copies of) i changed the title as i started uploading after doing a search of ffn to check there were no other stories called this. I certainly have not copied another story, but if there is another out there i would rather not tread on anyones toes. Can anyone say if there is or not? Should I stop posting? I dont really intend to publish (occasionally i think about it, but nothing serious so far). So, lovely readers, please tell me what to do!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Thank you, lovely readers, for all the support about my sudden crisis of confidence. Although i know i wrote is without copying it, it feels awful to be accused of stealing someone elses ideas. I am very pleased that none of you have read anything with more than a passing resemblance to this work. I will continue to post unless someone officially tells me not to. I have changed my title back to my original. I'm not sure it works, but i didnt want to leave it with the same title as an amazon published book. (which I have not read)**

**Also, i am somewhat overwhelmed with the number of reviewers. wow you guys are amazing. thank you so much for the support. some guys i recognise from my other stories (lpinney, jansfamily, deanna, englitlover, mother of 8) to name a few. welcome back. many many i dont recognise and you are also very welcome. **

**so, as i said this is probably only about ten chapters. but i am afraid our misunderstandings continue for most of them. If you would rather not read with the suspense i would suggest waiting until ten chapters are out. **

**oh, and someone reviewed with an abbreviation i didnt recognise. what does 'OTP' mean?.. thanks!**

**Chapter five - our doubts are traitors**

When he awoke, the room was empty, he had a blanket tucked around him, his shoes were off and feet propped up. A cup of tea was beside him and a note.

...

_Drink this when you wake, it will help with the headache._

_If you wish to retire none will question it._

_Yours_

_ED_

...

He lifted the tea cup and took a sniff, the smell was not like anything he had known. Rosemary, maybe. He did not know if he should take a sip or not but then he laughed at himself. Was he concerned Mrs Darcy was trying to do away with him? Of course not. He was deeply suspicious as to how a country nobody had become mistress of Pemberley, but even with his heightened paranoia around his situation, he could not begin to think she would poison him.

He took a tentative sip. It was not the most palatable tea, but it also was not terrible. Honestly, he was certain apothecaries would put extra bitter leaves in to a tea as a way of ensuring one knew it was medicinal.

By the time he had finished the tea his headache was already abating and he could not help but be grateful for it. Within half an hour he was on his feet and feeling back to normal, but unfortunately that state of mind allowed his thoughts to return to the topic that had so distressed him.

He called for Mr Bingley to join him, he needed some answers.

"Darcy!" The exclamation was loud, then hushed after Darcy winced. "I am glad to see you back on your feet. I assume Mrs Darcy made you a marvel of a tea?"

Darcy frowned "my wife often provides teas?"

Bailey chuckled "oh yes, she is quite well know for it. Any ailment and she is sure to know what might help. A godsend during Jane's pregnancy I tell you"

Darcy was uncertain where Elizabeth would have learned such skills, but now was not the time to delve in to that topic.

"Bingley, I must ask you to clarify how I have come to be the brother to that reprobate Wickham"

Bingley's smile fell from his face.

"Ah. Yes, I was wondering when this subject might come about." He shifted in his seat "well, I confess I do not know all the details. It was never such an issue for myself you see." He gave a sympathetic smile in Darcy's direction.

"Well, let me see. I believe the story started whilst we were all here at Pemberley, let's think... Ahhhh... Miss Elizabeth was visiting Lampton with her aunt and uncle in the summer of 12. I believe you met her whilst she was touring the house and you introduced your sister and invited her for dinner."

Darcy rolled his eyes, likely she engineered the meeting as a way of throwing herself in his path.

"We were not engaged at this point I presume?"

"No. I did not realise you had seen her since the previous November at Netherfield. Although you later confided that you had seen her at Hunsford. I believe she was visiting her friend, Mrs Collins"

Darcy frowned "previously Miss Lucas am I right?"

Bingley beamed "you are correct, well well, does this mean you are remembering? That is excellent news"

Darcy glared at his friend "no, your sister told me."

Bingley frowned again "oh, well, I see." He fidgeted

"Do not concern yourself Bingley. What were you saying? I had met Miss Elizabeth whilst in Hunsford. Did I tell you any details?"

Bingley looked down at his hands, frowning

"come to think of it, no. I believe you and she disagreed on something... Ummm... I cannot tell you what it was. I know that after Hunsford you were quite withdrawn. Difficult to talk to, distracted?" Bingley sighed "I am sorry friend. I was still upset over missing my Jane, so I was not terribly observant of you"

Darcy nodded, although he was not aware of what had upset his friend about Jane, but he could only think on the one story for the time being. It was hard enough to keep Bingley on one topic. "I see, so after Hunsford Miss Elizabeth, as was, magically ended up in my path here at Pemberley?"

If Bingley heard the sarcasm in the tone he decided to ignore it. "Yes, yes, jolly good it was too. I, of course, was happy to accompany you to visit after my arrival. Very pleasant to see her again, reconnect you know? And her aunt and uncle are such fine people, Mr Gardiner is quite the gentleman. Although I believe you are on better terms with him than myself."

Darcy was conscious of his friends propensity to ramble and so deftly steered him back to the point.

"Bingley. What has this to do with Wickham?"

"Ah yes. Well, you see," Bingley stopped a moment and rubbed his forehead, as if trying to dredge up the details. "The morning after their visit, they visited one day. Yes the morning after you left to see them. I am not certain why, you may have wished to give them instructions as they were to dine at Pemberley that evening. I believe you told me that Elizabeth had received a letter from Jane informing her that their youngest sister had run off with Wickham. You told me she was most distressed to learn of it. You did not tell me until much later mind, after you had gone to London to find her. I do not know why you did that, I do not believe you and Miss Elizabeth had reached an understanding, although if you were close she may have requested your assistance. Well, after that you found them and arranged their marriage, with the assistance of Mr Gardiner."

Darcy stood up and paced in the study, forward, then back, then forward again "It was after this that we became engaged?"

Bingley looked perplexed "I think so, yes, certainly. You came with me to Hertfordshire, but only stayed a matter of days and then left, after telling me about your part in keeping Jane and myself apart," Bingley mock glared in Darcy's direction, but the expression was ruined by the smile that threatened. It was not long till the grin was back "but you can see how well that worked out for me! Well you left, for London I believe, and then...ummm...you returned a week later and the next thing I knew you were telling me of your engagement. I had no knowledge of any attachment but I must confess your news did make me so very happy."

Darcy grimaced. His friend wasn't mercenary, it sounded as if he would have married Jane regardless, however Darcy knew it would not hurt for Bingley to marry the sister of Mr Darcy! He certainly would have encouraged the connection.

Darcy needed to think on everything.

"I thank you, my friend, for filling me in about Wickham. I have much to think on. I still am finding this all very, different" he sighed.

"I know my friend. It all must seem quite surreal. I am very pleased you are not hurt, but I hope you will return to your usual self. We have enjoyed an intimate family group these past two years and I am aware of how different this household feels. If I can be of use in anyway I am at your service."

There was a knock at the door.

"Enter"

Mr Cheltenham walked in "I have come to check on you sir"

Bingley paused as he rose, he desparately wanted to say more? He sighed deciding to leave the doctor to his work. Instead he clapped his friend on the back and wished him well.

After the doctor had finished, Darcy made his way to his room, he needed rest and quiet before he would need to dress for dinner.

...

Elizabeth managed to speak to the doctor before he left.

"He is physically much better, and completely out of danger"

Elizabeth smiled "I am relieved." She looked down.

"You wish to know about his memories?"

She smiled up at him sheepishly "You know me so well"

"I am sorry my dear, I cannot say how long this may take. From what you described earlier, he had an overwhelming headache. I did say that he should not be burdened with too much of his lost information at once. He should ask, and be given information in small parts only."

Elizabeh sighed, wanting to go against the doctors orders, but unable to disagree that he had suffered acutely earlier, likely due to whatever stories Caroline had been weaving. If only she could prevent her from spreading her half truths.

...

Even though rest had been the intention, Darcy was far from restful. His thoughts were in turmoil, a turmoil reflected in both his agitated pacing and the atmosphere. The grey clouds had given way to rain and the windows in his room shook sporadically with wind and clattered from the water drops being hurled against them. His fire gusted as the wind occasionally managed to come down the chimney. All together made for an unsettling environment and Darcy found no peace.

Instead he paced and pondered on all he had learned that day. He was a logical man and he tried to create some semblance of order from the thoughts.

First, he had intended to court Miss Bingley, and she seemed to have been attached to him.

Second, at Netherfield, he had become attracted to Miss Bennet.

Third, he had left, likely persuading Bingley to do so also. He surmised he had left to escape an unsuitable entanglement. Had he worried for his own attachment? Unlikely given the descriptions of the Bennet family behaviour. He doubted he would have looked beyond her family to become enamoured with a girl, no matter how fine their eyes. No, more likely he recognised he was attracted to her and was concerned she realised it also. He was well aware of women using such information to their advantage.

His mind continued checking off events as they happened back then, or at least, as he understood them to have happened.

He had met Miss Bennet at Hunsford, possibly by design? Hers most likely, his plans for visiting his aunt were well fixed. Had she coerced her friend in to inviting her after she lost Mr Collins, hoping to use the connection to forward their acquaintance? Why had the match with Mr Collins fallen through? Had she noticed his attraction and hoped for a better match?

Darcy sighed, then shuddered at the idea of the ridiculous parson with Elizabeth. He stopped and frowned, he had never met the man, or at least not as he remembered things. However he could clearly see an image of a sweaty, heavy set man fawning over everyone. He shuddered again. Pushing away the sudden proprietary impulse he re-focussed on the chronology of events, hoping more memories would appear.

Bingley had mentioned that they had fought, why? Had she expressed her expectations and he had denied her? No, even in his state, determined as he was to see how Elizabeth had entangled him, such a scenario seemed unlikely, he would have cut her in the future. He decided to leave that event unknown and move to the next.

She had appeared at Pemberley. Whilst he was at home. That could not be interpreted in any way other than her trying to throw herself in to his path. No one comes to a grand house, of someone they know, without hoping to receive some special recognition. If he had been attracted to her he may have been pleased to see her. That would explain why he invited her, and her uncle and aunt in trade, to dine at Pemberley.

But why would he aid her with Wickham? Bingley had suggested she had asked him for aid, could he have been so infatuated that he was compelled to help? Or had he felt honour bound after her visits to Pemberley? What could she have done to entrap him so? Had he forgotten himself and kissed her? He knew that should he have compromised her so, he would feel duty bound to offer for her, and if his honour was this engaged and she was in such dire straits as to have a sister on the brink of ruin?...

Yes, he thought to himself, he would feel duty bound to aid her. For his sake as much as hers. Likely he had not told Bingley of his situation, for if he could not locate Lydia then he would have paid off Elizabeth, compromise or not, he would not have married a woman with a fallen sister.

He sat down heavily in a chair, feeling his eyes close again, hoping for a short rest from all the emotions that were swiftly becoming a burden, certain he had solved more than one mystery of his current predicament.

Conveniently forgetting his summation of events had been made with many assumptions and more than one gaping hole in his logic.

**Oh man - who thought Bingley was gonna be helpful! DOh! Also we get in caros head soon. I've been putting off writing it, its so icky in there!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello, so I've been at my day job for the last few days. (no intention of quitting;) Sorry that has meant no updates. I have had a massive flood of messages to say people are reading the story. Thanks you all fo those. I love that there are so many people out there keen to read JA's beloved characters, even if I am putting my own spin on them! **

**For those Caro haters out there. I know you are frustrated wih her. Honestly i think shhe just wants to cause mischief, revenge, a woman scorned and all that..? But youll just have to wait amd see how far she takes things...**

**Darcy is, unfortunately, still being a bit of an idiot. I know you wanna shake him and twll him to speak to E, but youll have to wait a bit. Hes still got his head stuck in the ground. Im having fun writing the good bits right now, but im afraid you, lovely readers, have a bit more mosunderstandings first. **

**Anyway, enough nattering from me...**

**Chapter 6 - Confusion now hath made his masterpiece**.

Dinner was a quiet affair. Miss Bingley was, surprisingly, silent but kept shooting smug looks towards Elizabeth, and alternating them with concerned words directed at Darcy. She could barely contain her amusement. Caroline had always been the favourite child of Mrs and Mrs Bingley. Her looks and colouring a perfect combination of both her mother and her father. She had excelled at her lessons and come out in society just as Mr Bingley was making his way as Mr Darcy's friend. Her schooling and her new circle of acquaintance had only confirmed her view that she deserved to be in the first circles.

She did not know that most had overlooked her origins because Darcy had done so. She also did not know that Darcy had only considered her due to the situation with Georgiana, his perception that Georgiana liked her and his desperation to find anyone suitable to help him with the young girl. She had taken the loss of Mr Darcy very hard, although had happily attempted to maintain ties to Georgiana. The amorous behaviour of the current Mr and Mrs Darcy had made her feel ill. To see them at a discord had given her such sources of pleasure.

When she had fist accepted the invitation, she had only wanted to see that upstart, Mrs Darcy, brought low. Then she had come to realise how easy it was to cause trouble. She could hardly resist such an opportunity. Her success at making Elizabeth miserable, coupled with Mr Darcy's preferential treatment were starting to give her grandiose ideas. She was suddenly considering how far she might be able to push Mr Darcy. Could she achieve what she ultimately desired? She smiled smugly around the table again.

After dinner Elizabeth and Caroline obliged the party with music, Elizabeth's playing was improved since her marriage, for she had to perform on occasion, but she did not sing on this day as she was feeling rather dispirited. Her emotions reflected in her music and she was concerned her melancholy would show if she tried to sing, so she played only, which was unfortunate as it did not showcase her talents to their best advantage. Her singing had always affected Darcy in a most pleasurable way. Who knows what would have happened later that evening, if she had only sang.

..

Elizabeth was nervous. She could not remember being this nervous on the threshold of her husband's room on any previous occasion. Even her wedding night held only memories of love, anticipation and tenderness, a very little nervousness had been present of course, but nothing like her feelings tonight.

Jane had suggested she visit him, not in so many words, Jane would never be so coarse as to suggest such a thing, but a comment about intimacy and privacy had spurred Elizabeth to the conclusion that they needed time alone, where they would not be interrupted, and in a familiar environment. She was hopeful that they could talk, but at the very least she wished to be held and was hopeful that physical contact might spur some memories.

She knocked and entered, never having to wait previously. Darcy was sat on a chair, book and a half empty brandy in hand. On her entering he sat shocked for a moment then lept to his feet and retreated a few steps, as if distance would give him protection from the unwanted presence in his room.

"May I help you madam?"

Elizabeth, stung from his manner of greeting, tried to force a smile. "Yes, husband. I thought you might wish to share a nightcap? There is much we could discuss"

Darcy looked around wildly. "I am afraid I have had quite enough of talking today, Madame"

Elizabeth stepped towards him, her lips dry from a sudden wave of nerves, she licked them unconsciously. "I see, well then." She looked down, trying to find her courage, then raised her chin "maybe we could..."

Darcy did not wait to hear what she was going to say. This woman was entering his bedchamber, uninvited, her hair was down and wild, she was licking her lips in the manner of a common doxy. He wanted nothing of the situation.

"Madame stop. This wanton behaviour is beneath you, although I suppose I should not be surprised given your breeding. I must ask you to leave immediately!"

Elizabeth recoiled as if she had been slapped, indeed a slap may have been less painful. His words were like a dagger in her heart and she felt the icy cold tendrils of fear and confusion combine and make their way slowly down her spine. She wanted to respond, she wanted to scream, but just at that moment Thompson, Mr Darcy's valet, knocked and entered.

"I have your..." Thomason stopped, noticing Elizabeth. "I beg your pardon Mrs Darcy, I have Mr Darcy's night time medicine here. I was going to ensure the master took it, but I shall leave him in your capable hands. I did not expect you to be here but I am happy to leave the task to yourself." He smiled broadly at her, not noticing that she did not smile back, he turned to Mr Darcy but before he could say anything Elizabeth found her voice.

"I thank you Thompson, but Mr Darcy and I were just discussing a few matters, ones of little importance it seems. I am retiring now so I shall have to leave the job of ensuring he takes his medicine to you. Good night" although the last was addressed to Darcy he noted her eyes were not on him, she bobbed a short curtsey and left quickly.

Thompson chatted away as he prepared Darcy's medicine "Tis excellent to see you and the mistress spending more time together. She has been so concerned for your recovery..."

Darcy had known Thompson a long time, and his chatter was familiar. He had never sought to restrict his valet and had enjoyed hearing his opinions on all manner of subjects in the past. The familiarity with how he spoke of Elizabeth irked him tonight however, and so he stopped him mid sentence.

"Thank you, that will be all"

Thompson stopped what he was saying and straightened, looking at the master. His eyes flickered to the now closed door. He, along with most of the servants, knew that all was not right with Mr and Mrs Darcy, but he had a great respect for the mistress of Pemberley and did not doubt she would win over even the hardest of hearts. It only now occurred to him that if one was determined not to like her, one might purposefully ignore all the good in her. He would had to speak with Mrs Reynolds, something needed to be done. Now was not the time though.

"Very good sir"

Darcy almost winced at the cold tone of voice as his long time valet and friend walked smartly to the door and closed it, just a trifle too loudly for such a well trained servant. He lay in bed, expecting and hoping for sleep, but unable to keep the images of the day from his mind.

He regretted the harsh words he had spoken to Elizabeth, and clearly his valet was unhappy with his treatment of her. He was just so confused, and he felt completely lost in a way that seemed to have no resolution possible. His initial reaction, on Elizabeth entering his chamber, had been a rush of desire. It had quickly been followed by shame. He was unhappy with himself for desiring her, given his conviction she had compromised him he cursed his own weakness. It never occurred to him that he should think more on this attraction.

He mourned his life that seemed to have been taken from him. Which of his friends were still his friends after his marriage to someone so unknown? He had written to his Aunt Catherine and his Uncle Matlock, why had they not responded? Had they split with his family over his marriage?

He had expected to marry a lady of quality, he had not expected love but he had wanted someone refined, to run his house and bear him sons. He had wanted connections or wealth to pass on to daughters, this was what he was told was expected of him. This feeling of helplessness was making him anxious, confused and angry, which was not like him. He regretted his angry outburst, but his feelings about being trapped were still there and he was more determined than ever to find out the details of his marriage and if it had been entrapment he was determined to do something about it.

...

The following day dawned bright and fair. The rain storm of the preceding afternoon was barely discernible in the fluffy clouds and summer breeze. Elizabeth stood at her bedroom windows wishing hurtful words could be as easily blown away.

She dressed in a subdued silence, her ladies maid Taylor (she didn't quite understand the fashion of calling her ladies maid by her last name, but it was her wish and so she complied) was making supportive commentary, mainly background chatter.

She had not even considered her actions last evening would be considered wanton. Darcy had always encouraged her participation in marital duties and had never suggested that her actions were improper. Not withstanding that she was not even certain that had been her aim of the evening, she just wished to spend some time with him, to talk as they once had, but it had not gone as she had hoped and now she felt the sting of his harsh words.

She lifted her chin and made her way to breakfast, greeting her guests and her husband in the same tone of voice, hoping no one noted the quaver as she spoke his name.

...

Once breakfast was over she suggested a walk to the lake, and for the party to take luncheon outside. Everyone was in agreement and they were to meet for a short walk at the noon hour.

Elizabeth spent the morning with her daughter, as she usually did, and came away from the time feeling happier than she had in weeks. Before the accident she had spent most mornings with her daughter, Darcy had joined them often, they would play or walk or read stories. If Darcy hadn't managed to see her in the morning they would both go to her for her dinner time and sit with her whilst she ate and then read to her before she would go to bed.

Early on in their experience of parenthood they had decided that they wished to spend more time with their child than was considered 'proper'. Neither wanted a child raised by a servant and they wished to be known to their daughter and to know what she liked.

Elizabeth smiled as she left the room. Anne was very like herself, her colouring and eyes were certainly from Elizabeth. She had a serious aspect of her personality that Elizabeth cherished as being all Darcy. Although she enjoyed the outdoors, as Elizabeth herself did, she was more careful about certain behaviours and she would think about an action carefully before doing it. No one could hurry her, she needed to make up her own mind that she wanted to do something.

Anne had asked after her father, of course. His absence was conspicuous to the almost two year old. But she had been told he was not well and Anne, in the manner of that age, accepted her situation as it was presented. She was, by nature, quite a contented child, and she was certain that daddy would be back when he felt better. Elizabeth prayed that it would be so.

This morning they had been having a tea party with her dolly and she knew her governess was to take her for a walk later. If she was finished with her guests she would try to join them.

...

The morning excursion was a success. The sun was warm but not hot, the breeze pleasant but not blustery and the lake was calm, reflecting . The company would usually have been lovely, but everyone felt the unsettling feeling of a stranger amoungst them, all excepting Caroline, who was delighting in her new found intimacy with Mr Darcy and had been calculating how far she could extend her influence. Even she wasn't certain of her aim, but just causing a rift was giving her such a source of entertainment.

She was pleased and surprised when he approached her for a walk, the others being occupied did not notice the couple begin to walk away until they were too far to catch. Jane sent an anxious glance at Elizabeth, who sighed and shrugged. What could she do about it after all? She had to keep her faith that all would turn out well. Even so she could not help but ask.

"Charles, might I ask a likely impertinent question?"

"Of course" Bingley, ever affable, was more than happy to answer any questions.

"Was Mr Darcy courting Caroline at Netherfield?"

Bingley shifted in his seat, looking decidedly uncomfortable, after a few moments prevarication he looked at her, apology in his eyes "not officially, he never approached her or myself to formalise anything, but I believe he was considering the match."

He saw the look on Elizabeth's face and rushed to go on "but he had already decided against her before we left Netherfield I believe, certainly not long after returning to town. Caroline was so" he paused, once again looking nervous "I apologise, Caroline was so vocal about not liking the country"

Elizabeth and Jane exchanged a glance and laughed "do not concern yourself, we were well aware of her preference for town"

Charles smiled sheepishly "yes, well, as I said she was very vocal about her dislike of the country, both the society and the lack of town amusements, and so Darcy realised they would not suit, he is a country gentleman after all. I believe he also became very unhappy with her behaviour towards himself."

Elizabeth and Jane both nodded, but Elizabeth looked troubled.

Charles reached over and patted her "would you like me to speak to him about Caroline? Explain to him why he had decided against her? Or at least tell the story of our time in Hertfordshire. I know he was becoming uncomfortable with the the attention she paid him."

Elizabeth grimaced. "I would not have anyone tell him his thoughts. He is particularly unhappy when he is told how to feel or think, I am comforted by the fact that he was like that before he met me, and whilst we were married." the Bingleys were sympathetic to the unspoken words that there was very little else similar about the Mr Darcy of today as compared to the Mr Darcy that Elizabeth married.

"No," she put in, conviction marking her every word, "he will have to realise why he decided against Caroline on his own."

Jane smiled and patted her hand and they changed the subject to news from Hertfordshire for a time.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello everyone. happy weekend. I am currently writing the really great bits of the story (IMO) so its funny reading all your reactions to the rubbishy bits. I am sorry, I would love to accelerate my posting, but I'll end up leaving you with a big cliff hanger, and angst hanger (?) whilst i continue writing. I will have to continue dripping the angst. keep the faith, not much longer now...**

Chapter 7 - At this hour lie at my mercy all mine enemies

Darcy was enjoying the outing. By necessity he had been indoors more than was his usual want. He loved the outdoors and would find an excuse to spend some time either walking or riding ever since he was a child. Days when he spent most of it outside were the happier days of his childhood. That practice had followed him to adulthood and the last few months of restricted activity had been hard on him. He had yet to be allowed to ride, and his walking had been restricted until recently. Elizabeth had offered to walk with him on a few occasions but he had always turned her down, although he was unwilling to admit to himself that he had said no as he had been resentful of her knowing his desire.

Now he was walking and enjoying the fresh air, Caroline on his arm, her chatter washing over him. He had not thought on why he asked Miss Bingley to walk, on prior occasions he had wished to speak to her, today she had just been the closest person when he rose. It did not occur to him that this may have been by design, hers, or that it may have caused offence. He wished to walk, and walking he was. His attention was brought to the lady by his side.

"I do declare Mr Darcy, I am certain you have not heard above one in ten words that I have spoken"

Darcy smiled down at the woman tapping him on the arm with her fan which she then snapped open and proceeded to flutter in the region of her mouth, smiling coyly from behind the object.

"I do assure you I am perfectly prepared to give you my attention"

Caroline took a deep breath, knowing that her bosom swelled against the fabric of her neckline as she did so, she was rewarded by the quick downward movement of Darcy's eyes.

"Excellent, but if I am to have such attention I should offer a preferable topic."

They walked on and turned a corner, Darcy dampened the disappointment as they turned away from the wild path leading to the little bridge over the stream. His gaze turned down the route and he saw more than one new shrubbery planted along the walk lending a colourful element to the path. Caroline directed their steps to the walkway between the sculpted bushes and he dutifully followed her lead.

"How are you faring?"

"Perfectly well, I thank you"

"Did our discussion of your time in Hertfordshire aid your memory at all?"

"Not as such, but I thank you for the insight in to that time."

"Not at all Mr Darcy. We are all friends here, we all wish to see you recovered."

Darcy smiled grimly, and walked a few more paces in silence before Caroline spoke again.

"I am at your disposal if there is anything I can help you with. I believe I have shared with you all the times we were together leading up to your marriage. Maybe there is more we could discuss? Georgiana or if you just wish to share your thoughts with me, I am willing to listen"

"I thank you. Are you still close with Georgiana? I recall she was fond of you"

"I would like to think we would still be close if she did not live so very far away." She affected a lout and sighed as if this was terrible news. "We correspond, of course, dear Georgiana is an excellent letter writer, but we cannot meet as often as I would like." She simpered "of course I cannot vouch for how Georgiana feels about me"

Darcy assured her his sister was likely very fond of her.

"I do not recall knowing Mr Trantham. Are you aware of the story of their courtship?"

"Has Georgiana not written of it?" She tried to sound like she was merely curious, but she needed to know how much Darcy was aware of.

Darcy frowned "I have received a letter from her, expressing her wish for my speedy recovery and her desire to visit as soon as she is able"

Caroline almost jumped for joy inside, externally she affected a confused expression "oh I see. Well I suppose she would not wish to write of" Caroline sighed again, she was very proud of her ability to sigh with feeling, one of the skills she had learnt at the hands of the ladies who attended her school. "I believe she met Mr Trantham in her first season. They married towards the end of her second."

Darcy frowned "This year? So she only came out after she turned eighteen?"

Caroline nodded, adjusting her fan to allow the breeze to take her scent towards Darcy, she was rewarded by seeing him take a deep breath.

"Yes, I did suggest the season before would have been appropriate. However I believe Mrs Darcy did not wish for them both to be presented to the ton the same year, the competition was not to her liking" Caroline affected a light laugh "I believe Mr Trantham courted her from the beginning, I am not certain you desired his suit"

Darcy could believe that very easily.

"But I believe Georgiana once wrote saying how much Mrs Darcy supported the match and how you eventually agreed. She may have used the term persuasion." She paused and wVed her hand, as if chasing away a memory "I can hardly remember. They have been married for six months now, she left London for her home in Somerset at the end of the season, oh maybe three months ago. I recall you returned to Pemberley around that time, although I am certain you said to my brother that it would not feel the same without her."

Darcy nodded, something else that was easily believable.

"I am surprised she has not come to see you during your illness. Could Mrs Darcy have told her not to? Or perhaps her husband refused?" Caroline snuck a look at Darcy and saw him contemplating, a frown marring his noble brow, and decided not to push any further "oh I am only speculating of course, I cannot think what would keep Georgiana from your side at such a time. She was always so devoted to you."

She changed the subject commenting on one of the sculptured hedges and allowed the conversation to drift for a few minutes. After that they strolled in silence, Darcy clearly thinking hard.

"Oh Mr Darcy, you clearly have a lot on your mind. You can depend on me if you needed to unburden yourself." She leaned towards him, lowering her voice "I am the soul of discretion "

Darcy sighed, he hardly knew. He was not one to share his innermost feelings freely. Richard would usually avail himself if Darcy required a confidante, but he was on the continent. He had tried to contact him, but had only received word from the war office claiming he was on special assignment and would not be contactable until he returned.

Bingley had always been there for him, but Darcy could feel the confusion from his long term friend, could feel the wall that his injury had caused. He wasn't sure if Bingley was changed because of his marriage or if he was disappointed with how Darcy had yet to regain his memory. Either way he felt a distance that he had not previously noticed.

His uncle Matlock was unable to return as parliament was in session, his note was brief and did not fill Darcy with any reassurance of his families regard. In the absence of someone more suitable, Darcy decided that he would like to talk through his feelings.

"I can trust that this conversation would go no further?"

"Of course Mr Darcy, we have always been good friends" It took a surge of will power to contain the smirk that threatened.

Darcy sighed "I hardly know what to think. The story with Georgiana just doesn't make sense, why would she marry and move so far away? Why did I dislike the match? Why will she not write to me but I have to hear of her from Mrs Darcy? Richard is unavailable, my uncle is in parliament and my Aunt Matlock is elsewhere, but has not replied herself. I am still waiting for Lady Catherine to reply also."

Caroline judged her best action was to remain quiet, and she was adequate at doing so when it served her purpose.

"I find it most unusual that all of my family are un-contactable at this time, I am sorry to say that it makes me very suspicious." He looked down at his feet as they crunched on the gravel "Mrs Darcy has not been truthful with me, for certain about Georgiana, but also about her family situation and some of our past. I am now uncertain what to believe. I cannot remember admiring her, short of that comment I made about her eyes, which are indeed fine, but how could I have offered for her? What could have possessed me to lower myself?"

Caroline remained very silent and Darcy barely noticed what he was saying, so caught up in finally voicing all the doubts he had been having. He did not stop to think of the impropriety of such a speech.

"I can only conclude that she tricked me somehow"

When he fell silent Caroline waited, silently rejoicing and trying to figure the best way to use this to her advantage.

"Surely, if she is so unsuitable, there must be a way?"

Darcy looked confused.

"I am aware that divorce is difficult, however an act of Parliament can decree a marriage null and void. One of the reasons for this is if one of the parties did not consent to the marriage, is that not so?"

Darcy was frowning but he nodded in agreement.

"The circumstances you find yourself in is, unique. But surely you have enough contacts in parliament that may be able to aid you?"

Caroline watched the mask settle back in to place on Darcy's face, and she judged she had pushed this subject as far as she could for that day. She was satisfied that she had planted an idea. Divorce was uncommon and required an act of Parliament, but with an uncle in the House of Lords and another uncle a judge? She was hoping that it would be possible for someone like Darcy, if he had the will to pursue it, and if he did she would gladly take up the mantle of Mrs Darcy, even if there would be a scandal. For Mrs Darcy would have such sources of pleasure that a little scandal would be nothing. She smiled to herself and walked on.

...

Behind the hedge Elizabeth stood frozen. She had intended to call back the wandering pair for fresh scones which had just been brought for the party's enjoyment. She had not meant to over-hear but had managed to do so. She did not trust Caroline but had not thought she would go so far as to suggest such a thing, nor could she stop hearing the words "I can only conclude that she tricked me somehow" in her beloved husbands deep baritone voice. A voice that had so frequently spoken words of love to her, so often read to her as she fell asleep, had soothed her during her first pregnancy.

She felt her eyes fill with tears, what was she to do?

She could not face her sister, who would know something had occurred, even less so Darcy and Caroline. She turned away and made haste to return to the house. The wind whipped past her and her feet crunched the path as she half ran towards the building she had felt most at home in. Stones bit in to the soles of her feet, her slippers doing nothing to protect her, suddenly the house seemed forbidding.

She cared not.

She hardly noticed whom she spoke to but she did send a footman to inform her family that she had some pressing business and they should return at their leisure.

Once in her room she collapsed on to the bed and sobbed. How had it come to this? Did he really think her that unsuitable? Could he not see how smoothly Pemberley ran, how happy they were? Could he only see her origins and her family? His suspicions and doubt clouding his usual perspicacity.

Thoughts and feelings swirled around her head and the hours slipped by. She rose, before it became too late, with the intention of seeing her daughter. Hoping her joy and sweetness would smooth the hurts of the day. As she washed her face she noticed the sky was a pure blue, calm with a multitude of fluffy clouds. The kind that one could look at and try to see shapes, maybe she could do that with Anne. She briefly felt angry that a sky could seem so calm when her life seemed to be so unsettled, but then she laughed at herself for being so melodramatic before striding purposefully out of her room.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N - so i've managed a cheeky second update today (go back to chapter 7 if you havent read the one i posted this morning.)**

**just a quick note. Theres a few people quite upset about Darcy not visiting his child. I know we all know darcy is better than the average regency man (at least post hunsford darcy is) but in those times parents, fathers, had very little to do with their children. Kids would be relegated to the care of nursemaids, governesses and tutors. only when old enough to join in adult activities would parents really do much with them. That and the odd parade to show off their child to whomever came. Fathers often would rarely see their daughters until they were old enough to come out. That is why Anne has had very little involvement so far. I defo imagine E and D being more actively involved in parenting, but I'm running with the idea that a pre hunsford D might be less interested. (as always this is just IMo)**

**muchas gracias to all the readers, and reviewers. hopefully we will be over the angst hill by the end of the week. Also I have had so mich fun writing the last few chapters that they have turned in to more than i expected. I am at about 30 thousand words total and not quite done. so the story will be a bit longer than i originally said.**

**Lets see how darcy reacts to his daughter (I am hiding behind the sofa in expectation of your virtual tomatoes)**

**Chapter 8 - Wise and slow, they stumble that run fast.**

Elizabeth found Anne in the garden, as she suspected she would. Clearly her daughter had been out for a while. Elizabeth smiled at her muddy hems and ruffled her daughter's short curls before sitting and finding pictures in the sky. She revelled in the innocence of the simple activity.

When they made their way back she felt refreshed and happy. Her daughter skipped ahead of her and she laughed at the enthusiasm in her steps. At almost two she was precocious, funny and sweet. She was quite vocal for one so young, her talking was very advanced, or so people kept telling Elizabeth.

Elizabeth stepped through the door after her daughter to hear a squeal of happiness from her.

"Daddy!"

Elizabeth turned to see Anne run toward Darcy, who was just coming round the bottom of the stairs, possibly from his study. The little girl launched herself at her father, wrapping her arms around his knees and laughing.

"Daddy better, daddy better!"

"Get off!" Darcy roared.

The little girl stepped back, stumbled and fell on her bottom.

Elizabeth rushed forward, lifting her up and hugging her tightly. "It is alright Annie-jay, you only fell down, best to jump back up."

She set her on her feet, Anne looking from her mother to her father.

When Elizabeth looked up, Darcy's face was cold. Elizabeth set her mouth in a line, biting her tongue before turning back to her daughter.

"It's time for your dinner Annie-Jay sweetie, why do you not go and wash your face and hands before you eat?"

"Daddy read me?"

"I most certainly will not," Darcy cut in, not speaking to the little girl but to Elizabeth "she should not be in the main halls, especially when we have guests. She should be in the nursery, and where is her nanny?"

Elizabeth stared at him for a moment, unbelieving, and then turned to her daughter, whose eyes were filled with tears.

"Come Annie jay, let us go and find Suzy shall we? I am certain cook has made something delicious for dinner"

She turned and led her daughter to her rooms, where her nanny was waiting and happy to take charge. The story forgotten with a promise of reading on the morrow.

Elizabeth returned downstairs, having taken a few moments to calm herself, intending to discuss the incident at a later date. She knew that confronting someone in the heat of anger was not the best idea and wished to think on the actions of her husband before she overreacted. Unfortunately she was not given that chance, for the moment her foot hit the foyer she was informed that the master expected her in his study.

The footman delivering the message tried to look as if he did not think this was an unusual summons, but Elizabeth could see he was uncomfortable delivering it.

She wanted to sigh, or refuse or even roll her eyes, but for the sake of the footman in front of her, Gregory Thatcher was his name, she did not. Instead she thanked him and assured him she would head there directly.

The look of relief on his face as he turned away was enough of a reward.

She turned her steps towards the masters study.

Thoughts swirled as she walked, she tried to think only on the soft sound of her tread on the floor boards and the swish of her skirt. A realisation that the floor board just beyond the door to the library was loose, the squeak almost making her jump in the otherwise silent corridor. That lead her thoughts to wonder at the ominous feel to the silence around her. Pemberley did not used to be silent. There was always sounds of industry, piano practice, maids talking as they worked, her daughter's melodic laughter ringing through the halls.

Today there was none of this, today there was only a heavy silence, today was the calm before the storm.

She shook away her maudlin thoughts and found herself before the door to the study, taking deep breaths, reminding herself that her husband needed time to recover and to not overwhelm him with events that had already occurred.

She lifted her hand, paused only for the merest of moments and knocked.

...

Darcy had not enjoyed this day. Too much had occurred, layers upon layers of difficulty and confusion. The picnic had started well, he had enjoyed being out of doors, but the walk with Caroline had left him unsettled. His doctor had warned him about spending too much time in contemplation, nothing too taxing he had been told. No chess, no heavy tomes, but how could he stop his brain from just thinking?

The conversation whilst walking had upset him, first the speculations about Georgiana. Had Elizabeth told her not to come? Was her husband not a kind man? What husband would not allow his wife to visit an ill brother?

Was Caroline right about divorce? Could he divorce Elizabeth? Would he? All these thoughts had been swirling round his head for what seemed like hours. Then he had returned to his study to find the post had arrived, including a letter from Lady Catherine.

...

_Darcy,_

_I hope that this means that you have finally come to your senses. Have you finally realised that Miss Elizabeth Bennet is not worthy of being the mistress of Pemberley? I tried to tell you before you married that you were making a mistake, oh but she had her claws in to you._

_She was an impertinent chit, she had no gratitude for the attention I gave her when she stayed with my parson. She showed no sense, I advised her to not try to quit the sphere in which she had been brought up, but she had her eyes on Pemberley. Oh how polluted those woods are! I had vowed to never know you again. How surprised I was to receive your letter. You are right to come to me in your hour of need._

_Your marriage was rather hasty, I believe you were engaged within a day of returning to Hertfordshire with that friend of yours from trade. Who knows what happened? It seemed far too expeditious for a normal engagement. I would not be surprised if she used her allurements to reel you in._

I _have seen nothing that would suggest that my opinion has been proven wrong. She could not even have the decency to give you a son, if she had asked I would have advised this._

_If you wish for me to come to Pemberley and help you in this time, I would be most happy to. I am certain a place could be found for Mrs Darcy. You still have the place in Scotland, do you not?_

_Your loving aunt_

_Catherine._

...

The headache thrumming through his head was as menacing as any sound he could imagine, cannon fire, soldiers marching, an earthquake, a volcano erupting. So many things he had never heard, but had imagined, all noisy and all seemed to be inside his head.

Along with the many thoughts of how unfair it was to find himself married to someone he could barely remember, all his previous plans shattered, Georgiana gone, and now this. A rift in the family, thanks to his marriage.

It was in this frame of mind he had left his study, he was not in search of his wife but had found her and their daughter in the hall. He had been raised to believe children should be seen and not heard and the presence of a dirty, noisy child only added to his ire. When they had left he had, immediately, demanded that Mrs Darcy be sent to him the moment she returned downstairs.

And here he was, stood in the library, awaiting his wife. More angry than he could ever remember being before, tired from poor sleep and with severe pain lancing through his head. He never thought to postpone the upcoming confrontation, he actually felt he had postponed it for too long.

When the knock came he was no calmer, a fact he would come to regret before long.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N - omg, you guys are brill. ive been reading the reviews, and some are pretty detailed. Totes recommend you read some of them, if you have time. some are hilarious! thank you! love that you've put so much thought in to things. Defo some things I hadn't thought of. :)**

**A couple of you have nailed caroline and her bitchy attitude. I know you are wanting E to stand up for herself. I think shes been trying to step lightly around D. Not wanting to upset him. I guess its time for her to let rip...**

**Chapter 9 - Men in rage strike those that wish them best**

"Come in"

The tone was sharp and Elizabeth almost jumped, despite expecting the invitation. When she opened the door she purposefully raised her chin and strode in without a hint of the worry, or anger, that was simmering within her.

"Would you sit madam?"

At least it was more of an invitation than a command. Elizabeth sat, Darcy did not. He was stood behind his desk but facing out of the window. His hands were clasped behind his back and his back was straight and firm.

Elizabeth could not but help admiring his posture, even as she noted the rigidity in his pose which often heralded a set down or a difficult conversation. She had seen him in such a posture often enough, but never directed towards herself. She almost spoke up, but after a moments deliberation decided to await her husband's declaration. She knew if she tried to direct the conversation it would likely become out of either of their control.

She did not have to wait for long.

"There are several matters that I believe we need to address Madame." Darcy paused to gather his thoughts, half expecting Elizabeth to speak, when he received no retort he continued, focussing on the view. "I am seriously concerned about how this house is run and I am, aside from that, concerned with several aspects of my life as I am currently facing it. To find myself in a situation not of my choosing, and wholly different from the considerations I had thought were important to myself and my family," he paused, the sentence having gotten away from him, he compressed his lips and took a breath through his nose. "I must address some of these issues"

Elizabeth did not know if he was expecting her to say something, she decided to wait in silence, knowing if she spoke it would not be calmly.

"Firstly, our marriage. I certainly understand your accepting my offer of marriage but I cannot account for having asked you. In point of fact, no one can account for our marriage in any acceptable way and I find myself wondering what arts and allurements you used to draw me in"

Elizabeth openly gaped at him, although his back was still turned to her,

"Your presence in my home has obviously created a rift in my family, which I am extremely displeased about. Did you arrange for Georgiana's match just to send her away?" He did turn at this point and she was taken aback by the look in his eyes.

"Where are my Aunts and Uncle? Did the Matlocks warn me off you as Lady Catherine evidently did? Have they cut the connection with the name Darcy? Is that why Georgiana married beneath herself? A second son or some such? And what of your family? Wickham is my brother in law, and I hear that the Wickhams are frequent visitors of your sister and here? How have I married in to such a family?"

Elizabeth jumped up, not wishing to hear more that might upset or enrage her.

"Excuse me, sir, but I think you airing your displeasure at your marriage partner should cease. You have said quite enough of your disappointments for one evening. You called me here for a reason and I hope it was for more than to insult the mistress of your house, you mentioned concerns with how this house is run."

He was a little taken aback at her pointing out what should have been obvious to him, that he was being insulting and cruel. He was never cruel. He focussed on the issues.

"Yes indeed. We are currently hosting guests. I have been informed that you have been unavailable to these guests on several occasions and, on at least one of these, you have been inabsentia. This is, of course, unacceptable. I realise that your upbringing is not one of the ton, but even you should be aware that the mistress should be contactable at all times, even if she is attending to house business, and that guests should have their grievances listened to with courtesy"

Elizabeth barely contained the snort she wished to express at this sentence, grievances indeed! She opened her mouth to respond but Darcy was still talking, his agitated steps pacing back and forth behind his desk. She decided that she would do well to allow him to continue to talk and so she seated herself calmly back down. She had been trying to encourage him to talk for weeks, she should have known he would bottle it all up until it all came flowing out. Did not he do this regularly? Over the three years of their marriage she had managed to soften this propensity to collect troubles. However, he was not her husband of three years anymore, he was back to how he had been. Internally she sighed, externally she remained poised and with a face displaying only polite attention to the speaker, Darcy continued on.

"There is also the matter of that girl" Elizabeth visibly started at such an appellation "there has obviously been some terrible mistake in her upbringing, luckily she is young enough for it to be rectified. She should not be allowed in the main part of the house whilst we have guests, she should not be throwing herself at me when she is muddy and, for that matter, she should not be muddy at all!" His words were coming out in a rush now. "And what sort of a name is Annie jay? She sounds like a type of bird, she shall hence forth be addressed as Miss Anne or Miss Darcy, as befitting her station. I shall be reviewing her education and ensuring she is properly brought up. I expect my wishes to be upheld. It is not as if she is a son," Darcy's eyes fell to the letter open on his desk, from Lady Catherine, "I suppose with four sisters, it would be too much to expect you to bear me a son."

Elizabeth would sit no longer, she sprang to her feet, her eyes flashing with indignation.

"Mr Darcy" Elizabeth's tone was sharp "Annie jay is the name Georgiana gave our daughter, when she was a baby, and she will be called that in the comfort of her own home. Her home is Pemberley and she can go wherever she chooses to. You may talk to me in this manner but I will thank you from refraining from speaking of and to your daughter as if she was not in the room. She is used to a loving father and if you cannot give her that then we need to reconsider her living arrangement, or at least for you to stay away."

She could see him drawing breath but she did not allow him to speak.

"I have lost track of the number of insults you have so freely discussed, not only with myself but with one of these so called guests. If that is the way of the ton then I want nothing of it. Very few of these accusations even warrant a response, although I would be happy to have considered them had you behaved in a more gentleman like manner!"

Darcy stumbled back as if slapped, not just those words, but a memory of similar words flung at him. Elizabeth, younger and more plainly dressed, flashed before his minds eye. Her eyes sparkling in an identical manner as she delivered a set down.

"You speak as if I am disgracing the Darcy name. What, exactly, have I done to disgrace you? Your house runs flawlessly. Your guests are well satisfied, not withstanding Miss Bingley and her unceasing, unreasonable, demands. I have navigated the London social season with nary a scandal to my name. I would ask you to examin your behaviour if you are considering who is disgraceful, carrying on as you have been."

She paced away and then swirled to face him, anger causing her eyes to flash "We were happy, you were happy. You may not remember choosing this life but you did so, none the less. I find it hard to believe that not only do you have no faith in me, you also seem to have no faith in yourself. I cannot talk to one so unreasonable as you, you are not the man I married."

She took a deep shuddering breath, feeling herself lose her tenuous control, knowing she needed to retreat before the last thin strands snapped.

"As it is Mr Darcy I can see you have long been desiring my absence. If your conversation with Miss Bingley is any indication, your disdain of me extends beyond what I am capable of accepting. I was born a country miss and if you should wish to pursue that despicable course of action I will gladly return to being one again."

With that she turned in a swirl of skirts and left a dumbfounded Darcy staring after her. His first teaction was anger and he turned abruptly to the decanter next to his desk, downing a glass. The scond glass was driven by mortification, thhe third in an effort to drown out the voice now firmly fixed in his mind.

"Had you behaved in a more gentlemanlike manner"

...

Elizabeth went straight to her room, rummaging in her drawer of correspondence before finding the letters she wished for. She then sat down and pulled a fresh sheet towards herself, taking a deep fortifying breath before beginning to write.

...

Darcy woke to a pounding head, matched by the pounding on the door, and a terrible taste in his mouth. How much had he drunk? Why had he drank so much? He could not focus on such a thought, the sun was streaming through the window, dust swirled in a chaotic dance as it moved in and out of the shaft of brilliant light. He frowned, the sun was off somehow, the angle maybe? He closed his eyes against the thrumming inside his head which was caused by the light. As he turned his head away slightly his neck protested, which was when he realised that the way he was sat was also not correct.

Slowly he realised he was not in his bedchamber. He was lying on the chaise in his study, neck at an awkward angle, blinds open to the morning light. If that wasn't enough to put him in a bad mood the pounding on the door resumed. Pounding might be an exaggeration for the knocking, but with the state his head was in he felt that the noise was unnecessary.

How much had he drank? He rarely indulged to excess, but unfortunately suffered acutely when he did.

He sat up, straightened his clothing as best he could and bade the knocker to enter.

His valet opened the door, bearing a welcome pot of coffee, dry toast, another tea tincture and a pile of letters.

"The mail has arrived sir, would you care to take your coffee in your room after changing?"

Darcy did not wish to admit that he was not sure he could walk to his room without losing the contents of his stomach and so, instead, indicate he wished to stay put for he time being.

His valet did not appear fooled and just indicated the tea "this should help"

Darcy narrowed his eyes at the brew and sniffed. "I hope the apothecary was not summoned for me?"

His voice was cracked, he likely would have been mortified if it was his footman in front of him, however his valet was the one servant whom he had no secrets from.

"Of course not sir." He paused, but on seeing the confusion on his masters face he continued "Mrs Darcy directs the receipts of all the medicinals that are used throughout Pemberley. She has quiet revolutionised the still room and her teas are highly sought after"

Darcy was staring open mouthed.

"Mrs Darcy has a knowledge of medicinal herbs?"

"Yes sir, among other things"

Darcy heard the reproach in his valets tone and suddenly recalled the conversation which had prompted the previous nights drinking.

"If you had behaved in a more gentleman like manner"

He closed his eyes, very nearly groaning with the remembrance.

"If that will be all sir?"

Darcy nodded, and then regretted the movement.

He looked over the tray, there were a fair number of letters, likely a few had been brought from Lambton together.

He reached for the coffee, but the smell was overwhelming and so he opted for the tea first. Within a few sips of the slightly bitter brew, he was feeling better and decided to check the mail.

The top letter was in an elegant female hand, the seal the Darcy crest with an unmistakable ED printed in it. He sighed as he picked it up, knowing he should read this one first.


	10. Chapter 10

**Oooh, a lot of you loved Lizzies little rant. It started off as a few sentences and then evey time I re read it I added more. It was fun to write and im glad you enjoyed darcy getting yelled at.**

**Im not gonna write any more, cuz I know you guys are waiting to see how darcy feels this morning.**

**Now lets see how many other people yell at him... (figuratively speaking in this case!)**

**...**

**Chapter 10 - And where the offence is, let the great axe fall.**

_Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy._

_Be not alarmed, sir, that this letter contain any of the sentiments that a wife should hold for a husband. I am certain they would be unwelcome and so I shall refrain._

_I, however, must be allowed to defend myself from the accusations you lay at my door. The attempts at conversation have been, at best, strained and, at worst, well the less said on those conversations the better._

_I cannot adequately explain how we became husband and wife without expecting you to trust my words, however I shall do my best to present our courtship. If you had only asked, I would have told. The cruel words you spoke may have been left unsaid, however it cannot be helped and we must, the both of us, find our way from here._

_You remember your first few days at Netherfield, there is little else to say except that I spent several days at the home of Charles, nursing my sister Jane, after she became ill. I did not notice that you paid any special attention but you have since assured me that the time we spent together then was the foundation for the feelings that grew within yourself._

_Our next meeting was quite by chance, at Hunsford. I was visiting my friend, who had married my cousin Mr Collins, and you were visiting your aunt. Once again I did not notice any special interest on your part, however you proposed to me before you left for London. Hard as you may find this to believe, you were rejected. I dare not repeat that language either of us used, neither of us behaved as we should, however I enclose the letter that you subsequently wrote, and in doing so I am struck by the similarity in my current situation. Ironic though I find this, I shall persevere in my attempt._

_It was three months later that our paths crossed again, and again this was by chance. My aunt and uncle were touring Derbyshire and we ran in to you one day. For the details of how that encounter went I can refer you to my Uncle Gardiner, in who's character you hold the deepest respect._

_The situation with Lydia arose to interrupt this peaceful time, I still feel the perverseness of mischance that allowed both her and Mr Wickham to be in Brighton and to act as they did. I did not ask for your help and did not know of it until the situation had been resolved, leaving my sister wed to Mr W. I believe both Mr Gardiner or your solicitor could give you more details as to your dealings with this matter. Mr Wickham remains unwelcome at Pemberley, however, for my sake, you do allow Lydia here on occasion._

_When, soon after, Mr Bingley returned to Hertfordshire I dared not hope for your return. However you came and our marriage was the result._

_With regard to your family. Your sister married with your full blessing after a period of courtship. Yes, I encouraged the match as I was aware of their mutual affection. Our only concern was the distance, but it could not be helped. He is a worthy match although you best ask Georgiana for these details, for I will not discuss them. None of these material considerations were as important as the affection between the couple, at least they did not used to be when we last discussed the match. She has not returned to your side due to reasons I am unable to disclose without breaking confidences. I will not do that to my sister, you must trust my word or write to her yourself._

_The Colonel was present for our wedding and has been on the best of terms with us. Lord and Lady Matlock were, hesitant, to approve our match, however we are on good terms also and spent the last season attending events together. We will no doubt see them soon. Lady Catherine never approved of our match, althogh she has come to accept things, at least I thought she had. You once assured me she would not approve of any match that was not her daughter. Do you no longer believe this?_

_It saddens me that I would need to explain all of these events, I believe we have spoken of them briefly before the arrival of Miss Bingley, in whom you have misplaced your trust. It may have saved your worry if you had only asked. It is hard for me to realise how quickly her arrival poisoned your opinion of me. Has it really been only four days since the Bingleys arrived?_

_I cannot imagine how difficult you might be finding this, I am certain I would find it very confusing if I were in your situation and as such I cannot be angry at the result of this confusion. I am, however, angry that your displeasure would become known to others before myself and that you would allow your confusion to hurt your own daughter. She has been a beautiful addition to our little family and I can not allow anyone to hirt her, even if I have to protect her from you. You may be unhappy but I am your wife, and she is your daughter and that will not change. If you speak to her that way again I will remove her from your house. There are many of both mine and your own family who will gladly take us in._

_What happens from here is up to you, sir. All I ask is that you consider carefully every viewpoint, not only Miss Bingley's, when choosing your next course of action._

_Yours_

_Elizabeth._

...

Darcy felt the knot of guilt and regret tangled deep inside, he turned to the letters enclosed, recognising his own neat script.

...

_Miss Elizabeth Bennet,_

_Be not alarmed madam..._

She had rejected him? The evidence was in his own hand. Oh how he had misjudged her! He had assumed she had forwarded the match, pushed for it even. Yet here she claimed he offered and she had said no. What fortitude for a woman to decline a suitor so far above them. He found himself admiring her bravery, recalling his memory of her set down at Hunsford. The last man in the world? Oh how wrong he had been.

A further note was enclosed.

_Dearest Lovliest Elizabeth,_

_I cannot address you by your current name as I am looking forward to the day I may address you as My dear Mrs Darcy. 'Tis not long now until I may call you mine. I have arrived in London safely and have appointments with the people who will aid me in my quest to have you by my side._

_The settlements may take a few days to arrange but I shall not tarry. I am loath to part from you for longer than necessary. I know you worry for me when we are in Hertfordshire, my darling, but fear not. The pleasure of your company is all that I need, your relatives are, obviously, happy for your good news and are eager to share in your felicity. I can say, with certainty, that I am delighted to be a part of your happiness and I promise to continue to make you laugh forever._

_I shall bring Georgiana back to Netherfield with me, she is delighted to be gaining you for a sister and wishes me to convey her hope that your relationship with grow as you become better acquainted._

_I miss you my dear and cannot wait to be reunited, might I suggest another walk when I return? The view from Oakham mount was exceptional._

_Yours everlasting_

_Fitzwilliam_

As he read the last paragraph he had a mental flash of the great oak tree perched atop Oakham mount, the leaves were a myriad of colours, the breeze held a note of winter in it. In his memory he was not cold. His arms were holding a warm, soft, body, pressed against his own. Lips against lips, breath mingling, hearts beating fast. With a shiver he returned to the study at Pemberley to find his lips tingling and his heart racing in time with the memory.

He took a deep breath. The letter, he assumed from their courtship, did contain a surprising amount of sentiment. He wanted to cling to his assumptions, but he could not deny his own words, one by one he had to discount his own conclusions with regards to his marriage and his wife.

Sighing he turned to the other letters awaiting him, wondering how many more times he could be proven wrong. Recognising the script of his solicitor he opened that first.

...

_Mr Darcy,_

_I am certainly willing to discuss the particulars of the settlement between your-self and Mrs Darcy. I am certain you have a copy but I have enclosed one for your perusal. As you can see, your were quite generous with your settlement on Mrs Darcy. I believe your words were that you wished to ensure she would be well taken care of, regardless of your future children or your longevity._

_You were quite adamant, despite there being no dictates from her family._

_I have since had the pleasure of meeting Mrs Darcy and I can easily see why you take such a prodigious deal of care of her. Such a charming woman. I have enclosed the relevant documents, as you can see your script is upon them in many places. I believe you made an additional request, at the birth of your daughter, which would allow the female line to inherit if no sons were fothcoming. I councelled you that it was too early to plan such a thing, however you were adamant. You were so happy witth the birth of a daughter that you did not wish to delay such a course of action._

_I am, as ever, your servant, should you require any further information not included in these documents._

Mr Hargreaves.

...

Darcy frowned, he had changed his will when he had a daughter? He had always assumed he wanted a son, had he been so pleased with his daughter that he decided he had no need for a son? It would seem so. Also, his specifications for Elizabeth suggested particular care, certainly not that of someone coerced. Although he no longer believed that theory anyway.

Dropping the packet he decided to move on to another piece of mail, rather than reading the details of the settlement. There were two letters left, one was in a hand he did not recognise, and the other one very familiar.

Smiling he opened the letter from Georgiana.

...

My _dearest brother,_

_I am hopeful that this letter finds you well, but I must not tarry on sentiment that you should be completely assured of. I must address the issue which plagues my mind. I am mortified that my secrets might be causing you consternation and I am determined to set you straight. Please do not blame my dear sister for holding my confidence, I am certain you agree she should not do otherwise._

_As you know I married my dear Patrick nearly six months ago and we traveled here, to his estate, once the season closed. I did not share with you, but I had become with child within six weeks of our marriage, but it was not to be. Elizabeth knows the particulars, I beg you not to ask me to write more. I cannot travel now as I am, once again, likely expecting. I have become intolerant of travel, it makes me so poorly, and with the worry of my last...loss. I am so sorry brother, but I cannot risk such a long journey. If it was only myself to fret about, I would attend you with all due haste. I hope you can understand. I feel terrible for abandoning you, please, if there is anything I could do to ease your burden just ask._

_Elizabeth has not said so, but I can tell from the tone of her letters that she believes you are unhappy with my choice, and I must assure you, Patrick was my choice. She would be unlikely to have told you the full extent of his future potential, as she puts little credit in such things. Allow me to set your mind at ease. Yes, Patrick is the second son of a mere gentleman. However, his older brother has only girls and is not expected to have any more children after his sister's last lying in. His father is the baron of ... And therefore our son, should we be so blessed, will likely inherit the title. Our estate is also well off and none of our children will want for solid futures. My connection to the baron ... satisfied our Uncle and Aunt but I should point out that, at the time, you were more concerned about our mutual affection and respect._

_I am hopeful that I am misinterpreting my dearest sisters letters. I miss you, brother, and I wish I could be with you at this time of need. But I must urge you brother, not to make any rash assumptions about your marriage. I remember the time before meeting Elizabeth well. Both of us have changed, I expect you find the tone of my letter quite unlike the girl from that summer. I can say, with complete honesty, that I owe my current happiness to your lovely wife._

_I am aware of the particulars of your marriage and courting, I am, certainly, happy to discuss any aspect of it. I have run out of room to cross this letter. I shall write more soon._

_Your loving sister_

_Georgiana_.

...

By this time Darcy was almost crushed with the weight of the guilt. He recalled every particular of his conversations with Miss Bingley. Why had he allowed such a conversation to occur? At the time he had been desperate for any information regarding his situation, but why had he gone to her, of all people?

He thought back to his time in Hertfordshire. He had not been in love with Miss Bingley, why had he been so set on her as a potential bride? He picked up Georgiana's letter. A sudden realisation hit him. He remembered worrying about Georgiana in the wake of Wickham. He read her words about how altered she was. She had been so timid, so subdued. He had not dared to ask how far compromised she had been, he would put nothing past Wickham. He remembered thinking that perhaps Bingley would take Georgiana as a wife. He would treat her kindly, and accept her even if she was not a maiden. He had partially thought of marrying Miss Bingley to try to encourage that connection, adding in Georgiana's enthusiasm for the match, likely that was why he had been set upon it.

He picked up the next letter. It was from Mr Gardiner. It was well written and in a friendly but respectful manner. He did not presume their intimacy but explained all that had occurred regarding Wickham and Lydia and also explained in more detail their perspective of his marriage. When he had finished he could understand why he enjoyed this mans company.

He turned his tumultous thoughts back to his actions with regard to Elizabeth, he had been acting petulant. He did not like change when he had decided on a course. He realised he was behaving abominably in response to the uncertainty of the change in his life. His wife had been all too accurate in her accusations.

He hung his head in shame.

Never a truer word was spoken than those of his wife, and she had said them to him twice. 'Had he behaved in a more gentlemanlike manner'. He sighed. He needed to apologise, as a gentleman, and soon.

Never one to delay on a decided course of action, he chuckled to himself thinking of the irony here, he set off to find her.


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey hey everyone. So I'm prepping this post hoping ill get it out pre weekend. Unfortunately I have a busy weekend ahead so dunno when the next post will be after this.**

**still recomend reading some of the reviews. Interesting 'guest' who wants D to cite precedding engagement, divorce e and marry anne (d-b). I'm hoping thats a joke. although maybe a what if that engagement was genuine plot bunny might be starting... not sure I want to write another icky story so soon after writin flirting though. ;)**

**also one of you (i wont say who) totally nailled one of the next events. I'm hoping you will like it!**

**By far my most reviewed story. So happy there are loads of fellow JA lovers out there! But right now i'm sure you are all scrolling down... so I will get on with it!**

**Chapter 11 - In thy opinion, which is worthiest of love?**

It was nearly noon and he thought he would likely find her with Mrs Reynolds or in the drawing room entertaining the guests. He glanced out a window as he passed and confirmed the steady drizzle was unlikely to allow her an external activity. He first made hast to his chambers, meeting his valet to change his clothes and make himself more presentable. Sleeping in ones clothing from the day before did not make for a gentlemanly like man and Darcy was well aware of the poor impression of a gentleman he had made. Looking like one was a start.

No one was in the mistresses chambers or the housekeepers rooms so he made his way to the drawing room. He heard the notes of an instrument playing and so redirected his steps in that direction first.

Miss Bingley was sat at the piano. He would have turned and left, as she was alone in the room, but she caught sight of him and jumped up.

"Oh Mr Darcy, how kind of you to rescue me from my boredom."

She walked over to him and slipped an arm through his. He frowned down at the offending limb as she tugged him to sit on the sofa with her, pressing herself far too close for comfort. He was not a tactile person, he enjoyed this part of social strictures, he knew he would usually only have to offer his hand or arm if he chose to do so. Miss Bingley taking that choice from him was unwelcome.

He turned his mind to the other occasions where Miss Bingley behaved inappropriately. Not only thinking of the past few days at Pemberley but some earlier memories came, unbidden to him. Miss Bingley's actions being supercilious to the local gentry, despite her being born to a tradesman. Miss Bingley behaving too familiarly with him, whilst courting but before he had proposed, being rude to guests, disparaging to both Jane and Elizabeth.

These memories shocked him, but were supported by some of her actions recently. On more than one occasion he had overheard her talking to servants as if she was mistress, and it occurred to him that she had been disparaging of Elizabeth, his wife, to his face and in his house. How had he not seen noticed such ill behaviour? How had he allowed her to treat Elizabeth so? Had he been so blinded by his fury at his marriage that he had slighted his wife?

Oh but he was a fool!

He jumped up, extricating himself from her grip, not caring if he was being somewhat rude. Did she not deserve it? He had to get away.

"Excuse me madam, but I am seeking my wife"

Caroline didn't flinch, at least not externally, instead she affected a look of concern.

"Oh, I am sorry sir, did she not inform you of her plans?"

Darcy breathed a deep breath, the smell of the music room filling his nostrils, the wood of the piano, the varnish and oil mixture which was used to clean the instruments and their cases. It was a comforting smell, he turned his attention to Caroline.

"Plans?"

She adopted a look of sympathy and stood laying a hand on his arm. "She left" she paused for dramatic effect "Quite early this morning I believe."

Darcy's face reflected his shock. "Left?" His voice was louder than would be acceptable in polite company, but he did not care.

Caroline lowered her eyes, affecting a look of contrition, but not saying anything else.

"Did she say where?" His voice was tight.

"I am afraid, sir, she took no leave of me"

Darcy bowed slightly and turned on his heel, striding purposefully from the room. At first he felt a welling of anger, how dare she leave? But he checked himself. Having only just realised he had been too quick to assume the worst of Mrs Darcy, he did not want to allow angry thoughts.

With an iron will he breathed away his anger and allowed more rational thoughts to intrude. Did she not deserve to leave a place he had made her feel unwelcome? Did she not have the freedom to act as she saw fit? He had not been acting as her husband these last few days, why should he expect to direct her movements now!

She had mentioned nothing in her letter, despite her anger at him, she had never suggested leaving. But he knew he had been unreasonably cruel to her and she would have every right to flee. Had he lost her? He noted, almost with detachment, how much that idea hurt.

He suddenly knew, with a doubt, that he could not lose her. Would not lose her.

He needed to find out where she had gone, and fast.

...

He strode towards his study, planning on summoning Mrs Reynolds, Thompson his valet and his butler. He ran in to Bingley on the way.

"Bingley! I am sorry, but I cannot tarry. I have to discuss important business with my housekeeper."

"Of course Darcy, but I would take my leave of you first if I may?"

That stopped him "you are leaving?"

"I am afraid I must"

Darcy was a bit stunned, he was about to give a short reply and move on, but in the end decided he should give his friend his time. He had ignored him enough to since his arrival.

"Of course, come in to my study. I hope it is not bad news?"

Bingley was a little surprised, but happy to comply.

"Unfortunately we have had word that little Henry has caught a fever. You can imagine how worried Jane and I are. Jane left, with Elizabeth, early this morning. But I could not leave Caroline here without an escort and she... Umm well, she claimed she was not ready to leave at such an hour. I am hopeful she would be ready shortly."

Darcy's first thought was relief, Elizabeth had left to attend to Master Bingley, not to escape him. His next nought was of Caroline, he felt it was unlikely she would be making any efforts to leave soon. Yet more evidence of her poor character. He sighed inwardly, why had he been so blind?

"Come, let us ride together. Caroline can stay, for now, I will inform Mrs Reynolds to keep her occupied, she likely will not notice."

Bingley chuckled, "yes. Let's."

Darcy called for the carriage, more than happy to head towards Elizabeth, wishing to put things to rights.

He was just leaving instructions for his, hopefully very temporary, absence when his steward knocked.

"Begging your pardon Mr Darcy, but I have a matter of some delicacy to discuss"

"Of course, come in"

Bingley indicated he would check on his packing, he was unlikely to return quickly.

Once he had left, Darcy indicated his steward could talk.

"Begging your pardon, but is Mrs Darcy available?"

Darcy frowned "I am afraid not, she has accompanied her sister to her home as her nephew is not well"

"I see"

"Is it a tenant issue? Would you usually discuss such with the mistress?"

"It is related to one of the daughters, she is uhh.." He paused, looking uncomfortable "in some trouble. Mrs Darcy had been helpful in situations involving the children of the tenants in the past. She is more compassionate than most mistresses and is excellent at figuring out a solution that suits all the parties"

Darcy smiled a little, imagining Elizabeth taking the time to talk to all parties, it reminded him of his mother and how she handled the tenants concerns.

"I apologise, I am on my way to the Bingley residence. If you leave me some of the details, I can ask her to attend to it immediately on her return."

The steward sighed "I am sure the Thatchers would be most appreciative"

Darcy nodded, he knew the family, it was rather large and mostly girls.

He took the name of the daughter in question and promised to pass it on, wondering if Elizabeth would even receive him, let alone talk to him. At least he had a topic to discuss with her which would demand her attention, her compassion would drive her to listen to a tenant concern. He blew out a breath, knowing that was likely the only conversation that could be without difficulty, and he had no one to blame but himself.

With more resignation than determination he rose and made his way to the waiting carriage.

...

Darcy was sat in the carriage, wishing desperately to be atop a horse, contemplating the meeting. So, Elizabeth was actively involved with the tenant concerns, to the point that the steward, and presumably the tenants themselves, would ask for her over him. A memory flashed in to his head, Elizabeth speaking to him of a particularly tricky problem, two men courting one lady, the lady not wishing to declare one way or the other. She was animated, having spoken to all parties and found the best solution. (It had turned out one of the men in question was being pushed in to the situation by his father, and had a preference for another young lady with no dowry. Elizabeth managed to broker a deal between the families so that they were all happy, offering the young man a job in their gardens to help him start his family!) she had been so happy and felt so welcome as mistress now that she could do some good.

What struck Darcy most was where this had happened. He could picture the two of them, curled up in bed, her voice soothing him as he stroked gently up and down her back, her head tucked in to his shoulder.

A wave of longing hit him at the memory, he recalled feeling sated and happy with her in his arms. He was jolted back to the present by a rut in the road, almost feeling the ache of loss in his arms.

He looked out of the window with renewed determination, eager to begin again.

When the carriage began pulling up the drive of Hansbury hall, Darcy could not help but be impressed. The house was well situated and in a good state of repair. He turned an smiled at Bingley as the carriage rolled up the slope towards the house.

"This house is very well situated Bingley"

Bingley smiled at first, but it turned to a frown. "Did you not expect the house I purchased to be pleasant?"

Darcy looked stunned "that is not how I meant.." He paused "I am sorry. I meant only to compliment"

Bingley sighed, looking out of the window. "I know. Forgive me, I am very concerned about my son."

Silence descended for a few minutes, the noise of the hoof beats echoing in the carriage. The drive swept around the house, showing Darcy the south facet, full sunshine making it almost gleam. The brightness outside in contrast to the dreary feeling in the carriage.

Darcy's attention was drawn back by the agitated tones of his friends voice.

"Look Darcy, I know things are tough right now. I am sorry, a lot changed for you in the year 12. But you are ignorant of the facts and you have not been asking the right people. You ask me about Wickham, well I don't know, Elizabeth does, or Gardiner as I suggested. You ask my sister about Jane, why not me? You take Lady Catherine's opinion about you daughter, about your marriage, why not Elizabeth? I know things are different, but Elizabeth has been waiting for you to ask, the doctor suggested you should not have too much information at once and she decided that meant to only discuss topics you asked about. Both Jane and I have offered to step in, but she insisted you did not need to be told what to do. Well maybe you do. I need to check on my son, but I also wish to protect my sister. Why are you coming with me? I needed to leave so I did not question it, however now we are here, I need to know. Are you asking Elizabeth to leave? I must say, if it is a choice between you and my sister, you will not like the choice."

Bingley's breath was heaving, he had never confronted anyone in this manner, let alone his friend. But he had witnessed Elizabeth's distress and he could hold his tongue no longer.

Darcy stared dumbly at his friend. He knew his memory was causing problems, but he could say with certainty that his friend had never spoken like that to him, or anyone, even in the past four years. He felt terrible. He had been properly humbled by his many realisations of his poor treatment of Elizabeth. He had a rude awakening to the character of a woman he had thought worthy of his hand. And now, his best friend was taking him to task.

"My friend. I am truly sorry for the worry I have caused you. I confess, I had wanted to come with you to speak to Elizabeth, but I promise I wish only to talk to her. I realised I have been, remiss, in ignoring her as a source of information and I was hoping to rectify matters. I also wish to apologise for slighting her these last few days. I am ashamed of myself"

Bingley smiled "well, well. That is excellent!".

At this moment the carriage drew to a stop and Bingley hopped down, almost running up the stairs in his haste to see for himself that his son was well.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N - ok, so I am hiding from my in laws and kids, trying to get the next chapter up and sorted. If my authors notes or thanks are too short, thats the reason. **

**mixed feelings following the last chapter. Some loved it , some hate me for the suspense I keep leaving you with (I really tried to have the chapter end on the news that elizabeth had left, but I couldnt make it work without a really short chapter) some still hate Darcy, most are waiting for some grovelling. (although there are many of you who dont think itll be enough). Not many of you giving Darcy a bit of leeway for the fact he has had a head injury. Now I'm not expert, but I did a bit of research. Head injuries can cause personality changes and all sorts of other problems. I was angling for his anger being a bit of a side effect of that, but im hoping you will agree he is going to work hard to over come it...**

**So without further ado...**

Chapter 12 **Ignorance is the curse of God; knowledge is the wing where with we fly to heaven.**

Darcy stepped down from the carriage in a more dignified manner, his eyes following the hurried steps of his friend already disappearing through the front door. Sighing, he realised he knew not where he was going. He wondered, fleetingly, if Bingley had abandoned him on purpose, a form of punishment perhaps? He could not really fault his friend, if that were the case, but he thought it unlikely all the same.

He wondered in to the main entrance hall, where he had seen the hastily retreating form of Mr Bingley last, and he was impressed looking around at the well proportioned room. There were two fires, either side and a majestic staircase in front of him. Deciding that the family were most likely upstairs he bean to climb the steps, his feet causing an echo across the grand entrance hall.

When he reached the top he listened for voices and, thinking he heard something, he turned to the left. He passed some very well appointed rooms, a drawing room, a parlour, but no members of the household. When he heard his wife's voice he stopped, looked around then set off down an adjoining corridor. His pace was faster than would be strictly proper, but he cared not. He needed to get to Elizabeth. He rounded a corner and there she was, her back was to him and she was giving instructions, walking swiftly with a servant. He followed, taking care to keep his footfalls soft, not wishing to interrupt.

"If you add echinacea to the willow bark, it may have a stronger effect on the fever. Oh and I have a receipt for a sage gargle which could help his sore throat."

The other lady, the housekeeper perhaps, answered "the poor mite, I am please his mama and papa are back"

Elizabeth smiled, "yes, he is easier with them here"

The other lady then noticed him, as she was turning towards a door.

"Oh, good morning Mr Darcy. Welcome back to Hansbury." She turned a warm smile upon Elizabeth, who had also stopped, "My thanks Mrs Darcy, I will get straight down to cook to arrange your teas."

She bobbed a curtsey and moved away, through a servants door, partially hidden, in the corridor.

Elizabeth turned towards her husband, a million thoughts flitting through her head. She had dressed in a hurry that morning, when Jane had come in to her room in a panic. Her hair had been simply put up and she knew parts of it had come undone.

Since she had arrived at Hansbury, she had been rushing around, trying to see to all the details that Jane could not focus on.

What did he want? Had he read her letter? Had it helped him to see straight? Had he come to say she should leave?

She watched him approach warily, she really did not have it in her to fight again, she was tired and worried. She did not know what to say and so said nothing at all.

Darcy, for his part, was also not ready to speak. Not because he didn't have many things to say, but because he was struck mute by the woman in front of him. Now that he allowed himself to, he really looked at her. Her hair was coming down, her colour was high and her eyes were brightened. He speculated that they were brightened by the exercise of her rushing hither and thither to help her favourite sister.

It was this moment he was struck by a similar vision, a younger but no less beautiful Elizabeth, hair coming undone, eyes sparkling, as she walked towards him from the path that connected Netherfield and Longborn. He remembered feeling that he would wish a sister would care so much for him.

He tilted his head to the side, smiling at the memory, grateful that he had yet another one of her.

Elizabeth noted the silence and the odd look on Darcy's face, whilst Darcy was less sensible of the odd behaviour he was displaying.

The silence stretched.

Elizabeth laughed self consciously, tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and decided to speak.

"Come, Mr Darcy, we must have some conversation." She lifted an eyebrow "A very little will suffice"

One side of Darcy's mouth lifted in amusement, an expression Elizabeth hadn't seen since his accident. She let out a breath she hadn't realised she was holding, almost sobbing in relief. It took nearly all of her will power not to throw her arms around his neck.

"I am at your disposal, but first I should like to enquire after Henry. How does he fare?"

Elizabeth beamed at him, he had obviously asked the right question.

"He is well enough, his throat aches and his fever is high. I am hopeful that a willow bark tea might help"

Darcy looked down at his feet, then up at her again "what else did I hear you ask them to put in?"

"Oh, you heard that?" She looked away, embarrassed. She would have had no hesitation to talk to the old Darcy about her receipts. This Darcy, well, she did not know how he would react. There had been the occasional lady of the ton who had sniffed at her skills, but it was not as if she was selling her services, she was just good with herbs and made note of effects when she noticed them.

"Eccin.." He prompted when she appeared hesitant to speak.

"Echinacea. It comes from the Americas. But I have had some success growing it in the gardens of Pemberley. It's useful for bringing down a fever. Although not well known here, due to the difficulty in procuring it." She trailed off, mesmerised by the look in his eyes, it was one of admiration and respect, another look she had not seen for many weeks and was despairing of ever seeing again. She felt heat rush through her, desire mingling with pride.

She looked down. Flushing with mortification at her bodies response to her husband, although that thought did almost make her laugh. "Forgive me sir, but, you cannot look at me like that after all that you said not two days ago."

The smile on Darcy's face disappeared faster than one could believe possible. He offered a small bow and held out his arm, "shall I escort you somewhere more comfortable? I believe we are long overdue for a proper discussion of our past and, if you will allow, there is more than one apology I wish to offer"

Elizabeth looked at the proffered limb, Darcy felt the look was akin to someone offering her a snake to touch. Although in his mind he snorted at such a metaphor, Elizabeth would likely think a snake was charming and been keen to feel one. She took a deep breath and rested her hand gently on his arm.

As they turned and started down the corridor Darcy marvelled at the light touch, in particular as compared to the clawing grip of Caroline. He mentally kicked himself again for his idiocy when it came to that woman. Darcy did not know where they were heading, being unfamiliar with the house. Elizabeth seemed to sense this and pointed out the important rooms as they walked. She managed to do this in such a way that he did not feel embarrassed by his change of knowledge, it was more as if she was just making conversation. He marvelled at her ease in a situation many would find intolerable.

She stopped and turned in to a pleasant room. "This is Jane's favourite morning room. She will not leave little Henry's side, we should be able to speak alone, if that is your wish" her tone was clipped, but not unkind.

He led her to a seat, taking in the room. The windows were easterly facing so there was bright sunshine flooding through them. The colours were light and pleasing lending the room an overall bright and cheerful aspect. He wondered to the Windows and looked out towards a folly and a ruggedly beautiful landscape. They may have crossed in to Staffordshire but the terrain was similar to his beloved Derbyshire.

He turned, taking in the woman before him. She was poised and elegant but her eyes were guarded and wary.

They sat for what felt like an age. Elizabeth watching with a weary kind of resignation. Really she hoped he had read her letter, and he had believed her. Wondering what he was doing here, what he wished to say.

Darcy just wanted to look at the woman before him, actually look at her, without the tinted view of his suspicion and fears. He had found her eyes fine whilst he stayed in Hertfordshire. They were still fine now, they were a brown colour, but with flecks of gold that lit them as if aglow from a candle. He was astonished to notice that the intelligence in her gaze rendered her face animated and pleasing. He thought back to that day, goodness was it only two days ago? When Elizabeth had walked in to his room. She had been so beautiful, he was able to admit this to himself now, when before he had been too blinded by his own prejudice.

Elizabeth noticed her husband's distraction as his eyes raked her figure. She raised an eyebrow, the small movement bringing his attention back to her face. He gaze holding his, inviting him to speak.

"I" he was ashamed to have to clear his throat to remove the huskiness from his voice. "I have come to speak with you, as a matter of urgency. Following our, uh, disagreement yesterday."

Elizabeth raised one eyebrow at that description, but she said nothing, not sure what she would say if she did. His tone was not unkind, but his manners were clipped and formal, ones she recognised all too well as when he felt uncomfortable. Her worry was what was the cause of his discomfort.

Darcy turned and paced a few steps away, then turned back and opened his mouth only to close it again and pace once more. Elizabeth could scarce stop herself from chuckling, his actions so like Bingley when he was trying to say something. She had never seen her husband so discomposed

Darcy watched the amusement flash across her face, recalling the feeling of trying to make her laugh, and the exaltation he felt every time he had succeeded. Suddenly he wished for those memories, so that he could make her laugh once more.

"This is ridiculous, pull yourself together" he muttered to himself, before lifting his chin "I really must apologise, but I hardly know where to begin. There is so much I wish to apologise for, so much hurt I must have caused these last few weeks." He stopped and took another breath.

"I read your letter." He looked deep in to the fine eyes of his wife. "I read my letters and I recalled my first proposal, if you could call it that."

A look of sympathy crossed Elizabeth's face, she wished to utter words of comfort. What a memory to recall. Of all the memories he could have come back to him. She knew how that moment had haunted him in the year before they married. He noticed her opening her mouth to speak but held up his hand to forestall her.

"I deserved every harsh word, back than and again today. I have behaved abominably towards you, first as the woman I hoped to marry and again as my wife. I am not certain which is the more reprehensible, although I know which is the more condemnable."

He knelt in front of her, gathering her hands in to his "please, I wish to apologise for my behaviour these last few weeks, and I wish to ask you about a great many things. If you can find it in your heart to talk some sense in to me? I know I do not deserve it."

Elizabeth sat stunned, staring at her husband, humbling himself in this way. His behaviour after her set down at Hunsford had changed, and she now believed the change was for her. But he rarely admitted fault. And apologies, although often implied, were rarely spoken.

"Oh, Fitzwilliam"

Darcy felt a little shock hearing his name on her tongue, and he had a flash of memory.

He closed his eyes, rising to his feet and concentrating on the image.

Elizabeth was looking up at him, eyes wide and trusting, they were in a carriage together. He could almost feel the unsettled nervous anticipation of the moment.

"Fitzwilliam?" He heard his present day Elizabeth say, but in his mind he saw the Elizabeth in the carriage say "I love you Fitwilliam" and he could feel the contentment surging through him.

He opened his eyes, looking in to the curious ones of his wife, his wife.

"Elizabeth, can you remember a carriage ride, I don't know where we were going, but you were wearing an Ivory gown, you had roses in your hair, and there was lace around a square cut neck line." He stopped, seeing the blush that spread across her cheeks, and cocked his head to the side, wondering what she was remembering.

She ducked her head, her eyes not leaving his, and said in a voice barely louder than a whisper "That sounds like my wedding dress, It may have been our carriage ride to London after the wedding."

He looked at her, ducking her head and blushing, then he remembered.

He remembered!

A full memory of a period in his past. His previous flashes had been just that, a flash, a look or a sentence. Now he remembered saying their goodbyes after the wedding breakfast, helping her up in to the carriage. The first time they were truly alone. He remembered tucking her under his arm, her head resting on his chest. He remembered her lips; swollen from his kisses, their first true kisses as man and wife. The feeling of her in his arms, knowing she belonged there as they travelled towards their home.

Oh how good the memory was.

**A/N - fear not, we are far from done with the darcy grovelling. But, how am I doing so far? Or should I ask how is he doing? ;)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13 - When sorrow comes, they come not single spies, but in battalions.**

Darcy ran through his new memory again, of his carriage ride with his bride, and then it was his turn to blush. He delighted in the ability to picture it so clearly.

"I..." He stammered "I remember"

Elizabeth's face lit up, and he hurried to correct her assumption.

"Not everything, but that carriage ride. The feel of you" Darcy's ducked his head, in embarrassment at speaking if such things, and he cleared his throat to release some of the tension, the tightness, there.

There was silence for a minute, Darcy focussed on remembering. Elizabeth's hand was pressed to her mouth, her breath short, wishing, willing him to remember, to not forget again.

Far away a maid dropped something and there was a muffled crash. It was not loud, but it startled both of the occupants of Mrs Bingley's morning room.

Their eyes flew to each other and they both let out a breath neither knew they were holding.

He took the seat next to her "Maybe you could start at the beginning? Well after Hunsford" he shuddered, "I don't need any further reminder of that"

Elizabeth let out a puff of air, somewhere between a laugh and a sigh.

"It may take a while"

Darcy frowned "of course, you must be tired after such an early start. And there is Henry to think of."

He startled at the hand that pressed to his arm before glancing up in to the teasing gaze of his wife.

"I only mean, perhaps we should ring for some refreshments prior to getting started" she smiled at him before rising and ringing the bell. When a maid attended she requested refreshments, after enquiring after Henry. She was satisfied with the response. He had taken his tea and was more settled. The master and mistress were with him. No, they did not need her at present. Yes, she would be certain to let Jane know where she was.

She then turned her eyes, bright with relief and anticipation, towards the man next to her. Elizabeth regarded Darcy as they waited for tea and refreshments to arrive. He looked so much more like the man she married. Had he just needed to be reminded that he was not above others? To realise that he was not the arrogant man that he portrayed to the world. To make an effort to please those around him who were worthy of being pleased?

She had not considered that his attitude was before this revelation of the year 12. It had never occurred to Elizabeth to provide him with the same realisation that he had needed back then. She loved him, why would she wish to humble him? It was his attack on their daughter that had brought out her claws, and if this was the result she could not regret it. She only regretted not doing something sooner. But she discerned he likely needed to come to cognisance on his own.

What had he said to her?

"I have been a selfish being all my life, given good principals but left to follow them in pride and conceit". He had been selfish, these last few weeks since the accident. Only thinking of himself, his own perceived difficulties. Never once thinking how hard it might be on her, or their child. He had needed a shock to jolt him out of such an egocentric existence.

Elizabeth turned her thoughts to the point that had joined their concerns, when she had accepted his proposal. She closed her eyes, remembering the look of heartfelt delight on his face as she had consented to be his wife.

Darcy cleared his throat, bringing Elizabeth back to the present moment.

"You have the oddest expression on your face"

She smiled sheepishly "I was recollecting your second proposal."

He sat up straighter "would you tell me of it?"

So she did, everything that had occurred in the year twelve, everything she knew of. His dark mood between her rejection and their time at Pemberley. His aid with Wickham, he became quite tense throughout this recital and Elizabeth became wary. Wondering if the darker Darcy would return, the one who blamed her.

"I.." She started, then paused, collecting her thoughts "I have apologised and thanked you on behalf of my family for my sister, and your aid. I cannot change what has occurred, you and I had put it all behind us, I don't think I can apologise more. You have told me so many times it was not my doing, not my fault. You have told me you do not blame me for my family and I believed you. Please, I cannot..."

She did not know how to word her tumultuous thoughts. She could not humble herself any more for her family. She could not bear it if he resented her for it, resentment in a marriage would only grow, a curse between them.

She was startled out of her reverie by a soothing hand upon hers and she looked up in to the, suddenly, kind eyes of her husband.

"I do not doubt your story, I do not blame you. I will need time to reconcile with this part of my past, but let us leave it for the time being. Tell me more of the days after our wedding"

...

They sat together for a number of hours, just talking. Not only on past events, but plays and books they had seen or read. Debates they had had, new friends they had made and places they had been. Elizabeth could relate a scene with an intensity that brought one there, as if you could see it yourself through her words. She would tell of encounters with people of the ton, turning conversations in to amusing stories. Her knowledge of the changes to Pemberley, and the concordant improvements in yield, astonished Darcy.

Occasionally a memory would resurface with her words, more so than anytime in the preceding month. There were still more gaps than memories, many things he could not account for, but also some startling glimpses in to his married life and the feeling of contentment was growing rapidly.

With it came more sorrow at how poorly he had behaved, towards the woman he had sworn to love, honour and cherish. He may not remember those vows, but he no longer doubted he had spoken them, willingly and whole heartedly.

How dare he treat her so! If his actions had belonged to another he would call them out.

The tea grew cold, more was ordered, no-one came to find them. Elizabeth did not want to break the bubble that seemed to encase them, every moment was leaving her feeling more at ease. They were having the kind of easy conversations that they used to have. She did not wish it to end, but she had to know why, she had to know if she could trust the improved Darcy in front of her.

As the conversation dwindled she nervously played with a handkerchief, one of Darcy's that she had stolen. He watched her, puzzled at the reticence he saw. For a moment he wondered if she had a confession, something along the lines of Wickham? He then berated himself, had not his conclusions caused them too much strife already?

"What is it?" His voice was soft, enticing her to talk.

She lifted her eyes to his "I feel as if such a weight has lifted from me. To sit here, with you, in this manner is ... Wonderful." She paused.

"However there is something bothering you?" The statement carried the hint of a question.

Elizabeth smiled a thin smile. "How is it that only last night you were so set against me, and today it is as if you are back to" she trailed away, her hand flying to her mouth, eyes wide in consternation.

"Back to whom I was before?" He finished for her.

She nodded.

Darcy closed his eyes, head falling in to his hands. He spoke from between his fingers, as if afraid to look at her. Overcoming the sorrow he felt to speak to her, honestly, as she deserved.

"After our disagreement" he missed the raised eyebrow "I was angry. I do not recall being a very angry man before all of this" he looked up at her "have I been these past few years?" He smiled at her small shake of the head, then bowed his head so that it rested on his hands again, elbows pressing in to his knees as he leaned forward in the chair.

"Tis new then, I have sometimes felt so angry, often at very little provocation. Last night I was feeling terrible. My head ached, I had been considering terrible things, I received a letter from Lady Catherine. Everything just seemed to be overwhelming me. I should have waited, I should have thought more. I wished to speak to you, to accuse you of all the things I had decided you had done to me."

His hands dropped down and his head hung further.

Shame, sorrow and guilt bearing their heavy load upon him.

Elizabeth wished to comfort him, but she needed to know how he had felt, what had changed.

"All those accusations I hurled at you, you did not deserve any of them. I am to blame for not looking for the facts properly. For being blinded by my pride and my prejudice." He looked up, his eyes haunted as he stared in to the compassionate gaze of his wife.

His wife. How could he have treated her so? Allowed her to be treated so? He had failed her.

"I am so sorry" he declared, decidedly.

Elizabeth spoke, her voice barely louder than the whisper of a gentle breeze.

"You believed I had tricked you somehow? That I had caused a rift in your family?" Darcy nodded, even though he knew she did not need a response. "Why did you not ask your servants? why did you talk to Miss Bingley about divorce"

He winced, her words piercing him like a dagger "I was acting a fool. I cannot completely account for not asking my servants. I felt my valet and Mrs Reynolds would not know of our courtship, why would they? unless I spoke to them of it. It went against my pride to ask them of my life, I was embarrased and did not wish to flaunt my failings, so I hid it. To ask of their opinion of you was unneccessary. You, obviously, had their loyalty. I had no idea if they were loyal because you deserved it, or if they were loyal because they had to be. I could not trust their opinion, so I did not ask. It seems I did not wish to hear good of you."

Elizabeth sighed "It seems we, neither of us, handled this situation as we should."

Darcy was about to intervene, to tell her she played no part in his folly, but she lifted her hand to stay his words.

"There was a time, long ago, where I did not wish to hear good of you also. I would discount stories and stuck to my own suppositions. 'Tis a fault we share. I suppose we can let that rest." his expression was one of relief, but her face remained impassive. "What has changed your mind about me, about our marriage?"

Darcy smiled, a ghost of a smile, but it was there "Your words reminded me of the last time I had heard them, if you had behaved in a more gentlemanly manner! Oh how you have used those words well. I am sorry to say I did not regret my actions immediately. Instead I drank most of the decanter of fine brandy that was in my study. Trying to chase away those memories. When I woke my head was pounding, and there was your letter, and your tea. Even in your anger you still saw fit to care for me" he looked at her again, really looked, recognising the kindness that she freely gave to all and sunder.

"I read your letter, and the ones I had written to you. I recalled more details of my first proposal." He laughed to himself, a bitter laugh "I was such a fool, then and now."

He paused and stood to move about the room. Elizabeth stayed seated, knowing he needed the movement to ease his perturbed thoughts.

"The post came then. And with it a letter from your uncle, Mr Gardener. That was an exceptionally well written letter, he has a most gentlemanly way of expressing himself"

Elizabeth smiled happily.

"There was a letter from Georgiana." Elizabeth gasped and Darcy nodded, his mouth set in a grim line "yes, she was worried and has told me everything, I am sorry for not trusting your word. I could tell you were not being truthful and I assumed the worst." His head dropped again. "I know I have said it many times today, but I have many sorrows. I am. So. So. Sorry, Elizabeth"

Her named dropped from his lips naturally, as if he had uttered it many times before. Indeed he had done so, he just could not remember.

Elizabeth stood, walking over to him and placing a hand on his arm, she was satisfied he had truly come to realise that their marriage was not a mistake, but she was still concerned on one point in particular.

"And your conversation with Miss Bingley?"

He looked deep in to her eyes "I never truly considered divorce. It was as ridiculous as it was completely impossible, one I should not have allowed to be voiced. I would never have done such a thing. Once I allowed myself to notice all your qualities I began to realise how inappropriate Miss Bingely had behaved, and I am sorry to say I allowed it, nay I assisted it. She tried to speak to me just after I read these letters, I left her to find you. That was when I found Bingley, who told me he was coming here. I immediately suggested accompanying him" he sighed "It was in the carriage that he gave me a dressing down"

Elizabeth let out a startled laugh "Bingley? Charles Bingley gave you a set down?"

Darcy smiled at the amusement in her eyes "Indeed he did, and very stern he was too. You have quite the brother championing you there"

Elizabeth smiled fondly "He is the best brother."

"Oh, I almost forgot. My steward needed me, just before I left. He, well, he wanted to speak to you about a matter with the tenants,"

Elizabeth looked at him, her gaze back to being wary, Twas not many men that would allow their wives to help with tenant matters.

"Fear not, I am certain you will know what to do more than I. I confess I was pleased to hear you would aid me"

"Perhaps we can speak of the details when we are back home again?"

He smiled "Indeed"

"We should find Charles and Jane and see to little Henry..."

Darcy blinked, looking around as if for the first time, the shadows had moved, the room was becoming darker. It was not dark out but the sun was no longer on this facet of the house. They must have been speaking for hours. He was surprised, he could not remember ever sitting with someone for hours. Not even in university, when young men would sit around, drinking, talking about women, or complaining about parents. He had never felt too comfortable. That was when he became friends with Bingley. They had, both of them, lost their mothers by that time, and neither could stand listening to men complain about their parents controlling their money, or where they spent their holidays. They would gladly have their mothers back and relinquish a little control.

He watched as Elizabeth rose, realising with a jolt that he did not wish for her to leave. Her company brought him comfort, and her conversation was stimulating. He rose with her and offered his arm.

"Shall we find them together?"

Elizabeth hesitated, but only for a moment, before she placed her hand on his arm and they walked out of the door, together.

**A/N - so part two of Darcys grovelling. Thats the main bulk of his repentance, but we are by no means done with him trying to make it up to E or A-J, (love that so many of you are protective of her;). Weve also got the little CB problem to deal with, and we will. a couple of you have suggested what you would like to happen, and it was very close to what I had written. Im also happy to say I have finished the main story, Just an epilogue to decide upon. total story length is just shy of 40 thousand words. Maybe 5/6 chapters left? depending on length and how much I add when I edit.**

**Some of you were not convinced by his total change of attitude, I hope you are happy enough with his reasoning in this chapter, and elizabeths thoughts on it? Theres more to come, so dont judge them both (or me) just yet! ;)**

**Re divorce. I know (and it seems many of you also know) that divorce is not really possible in this situation. Caroline was grasping at straws, blinded by her desire to be mistress of Pemberley. I hope you are happy that D never really considered it, even if it had been possible. This was about the place i had written to when I started posting. Whats left has all been written since. :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N - ooooh, so many of you much happier with me! (and darcy) lots of speculation about potential fates for caro. ive written what I had envisioned, but I often tweak as I edit, so her fate is not completely decided yet. **

**so we still have a lot to resolve, dont worry, ive not forgotten aj. some of you wanting a bit of physical contact. Love all the Thoughts. :)**

**Thanks to guest who pointed out the correct use of the word reciept instead of recipe (in respose to the reviewer trying to suggest I had miss used the word) I also apologise for the delayed posting. It has been prepped and ready since yesterday but I've been so busy I have not been near a wifi area to actually upload it. **

**I wonder if this chapter will be slightly more divisive. lets see shall we...**

**Chapter 14. - A true repentance shuns the evil itself**

Jane was not too concerned for her child by this time, she was practical about illness and trusted her sister's potions. He had settled with Elizabeth's tincture and was sleeping soundly. She had thought to find her sister but then Charles had arrived bearing the news of the conversation he had had with Darcy. She had made haste to check upon the couple, but when she had found them talking comfortably, and alone, she had gracefully and quietly retreated.

Now she was sat with her husband, a comfortable silence surrounding them both. She was embroidering and Charles was reading. They were in their family sitting room, which was not far from the family rooms that their son was currently asleep in. When Elizabeth and Darcy walked in, the Bingleys both stood and welcomed them to their small party.

Jane wished to ask Elizabeth what had occurred, but she dared not, a quick glance told her that much was ameliorated.

The evening passed in pleasurable pursuits, the doctor had come and declared Henry much improved, even Bingley had accepted he would likely recover quickly.

Elizabeth and Darcy decided to return to Pemberley the next day, assuming little Henry had no further need of them. Darcy was more than happy to put Miss Bingley in a carriage back to her brother, whilst he and his wife got to know one another again. Bingley offered a footman and maid to travel with the Darcys so that they could accompany his sister back.

Darcy was determined to find a few moments to fill Charles in on some of the more, unsavoury, actions of his wayward sister.

...

Elizabeth made to retire with Jane, leaving the men to their brandy. They, of course, checked on Henry on their way and then made their way to Jane's private sitting room.

"Oh Lizzie, is everything well with you?"

Elizabeth smiled, the first truly happy smile in some time. "Things are much improved. Fitzwilliam is finally talking to me, and listening. I think he understands much of what he did not, about Caroline and our time in Hunsford. He is still uncertain about the Lydia situation, but neither of us has ever been content with that. We just moved past it."

Jane smiled in sympathy, she had not long since managed to send the Wickhams on their way. They had stayed so long as to make her hint of them leaving. They did try her patience so.

"It sounds promising, after the difficulties of the last few days, I am very pleased to hear of such good news."

Elizabeth let out a little laugh "yes, it has been arduous. It feels like so much longer than a few days"

"I am so sorry for bringing Caroline, we should have realised she would cause problems"

"Tis not your fault Jane. Darcy invited her, he would likely think we were covering up something if we kept her away. He was not ready to see the way to the truth"

Jane nodded, a serious look on her usually serene face "you are likely correct"

Elizabeth rose "I should retire, it has been a long day"

She turned, then whipped back, skirts swirling in agitation, hand flying to her mouth. "Oh! What are we to do about our rooms?"

Jane's eyes opened wide "I did not think"

Elizabeth and Darcy had always shared a room in the past.

"I shall ask for the green room to be readied, it only needs a fire to warm it, but tis not too cold out. Will you be comfortable?"

Elizabeth grimaced, the green room was her mother's on her stay, she was not fond of it but it could not be helped. "Yes, I thank you. Tis either that or Miss Bingley's room I suppose"

...

The sisters laughed as they made their way out of Jane's room and headed toward the family wing. They encountered Darcy and Bingley on the way.

"I am just taking Elizabeth to the green room, I have asked for a fire but I wish to check it is all satisfactory"

Bingley frowned "Do not Darcy and Elizabeth usually take the east suite?"

Jane stuttered "yes.. Well... Ummm"

Darcy frowned in confusion, "Is there a problem with our usual rooms?"

Jane and Elizabeth exchanged glances, their faces reflecting each other's uncertainty.

Jane stood taller and smiled her serene smile, as always hiding the agitation within. "Charles, why do you not check on Henry? Brother, the east suite is through those doors. She indicated a door close to where they were standing "I shall check on the green room" she gave a significant look to Elizabeth before turning turning on her heel and walking away.

Bingley looked adorably muddled, but found it was best to follow his wife's instructions and so did so with alacrity. He left a bewildered Darcy and a somewhat embarrassed Elizabeth.

"Is there some problem?" Darcy asked.

Elizabeth ducked her head and indicated he should proceed her in to the room.

He entered an agreeable room, he could see some of Elizabeth's touches here and there.

"Tis a very pleasant room"

"Indeed sir, 'tis my favourite in this house. It has always been mine whenever I should stay"

"Then why would you wish for another?"

She indicated the two doors, he checked one and found a well appointed room, a large double bed and evidence that his valet had been here. He checked the other, expecting a further bedroom only to find a bathing chamber.

He looked at Elizabeth confusion writ across his countenance.

"We would never sleep apart in this house"

His eyes widened and his colour heightened.

"In truth sir, we rarely slept apart before your accident. Twas only at the height of my pregnancy and the weeks after Anne's birth that we felt the need to be in differing chambers" Her words were calm, but they hid a turmoil of emotions. Would he accuse her of wantoness? Again? The words of a few days ago still stung, the rejection and accusation in his tone were not easy to forget.

Darcy stood stock still, taking in this new piece of information. He couldn't help but allow his gaze to travel the form of his wife. Noting that her figure was light and pleasing and he would not mind holding her close.

"In which bed would we usually sleep?"

Elizabeth was almost scarlet at this point, her voice little more than a murmur "yours, sir"

"What has been occurring since my accident?"

"When you were unwell I slept beside you, or in a cot on the floor. When it became apparent that you did not... uh ... expect my presence I had the footmen move a bed back in to my chamber. It had been removed after Annie's birth as there was a bed for her for the first year. Once she moved in to the nursery the room was left for her occasional use. Mostly it has been empty."

"Until this happened"

Elizabeth only nodded. "Jane and I only realised the issue a few moments ago."

She sighed, she loved these rooms and she was tired of sleeping alone. Having shared a bed for so many years, often sleeping with her sister before moving to her husband's bed. She did not sleep well without someone beside her. She hung her head and turned to leave, stopping only with a warm hand upon her arm.

"There is no need for you to leave." He saw her startled look. "That is," he spoke quickly to clarify his intent "I should like to continue the good work we started today." He hurried on, wanting to give her a choice "however if you should not wish for my presence then I shall stay in this green room."

Elizabeth gasped, he wished for them to stay? Together? She wasn't sure how she felt. She had missed him, desperately, but his stinging words still echoed in her head. He had called her wanton, and blamed her breeding. She could not forget those words.

Darcy watched the emotions playing over his wife's face, he did not know how she would react to such a proposal but there was something, deep inside, that insisted he needed to try. He yearned for this woman. He missed the feel of her. He only had brief snatches of memories of holding her, but he wanted to try it again. He was hopeful that more memories could come with such a strong inducement.

He thought, with disbelief, how short a time ago it was that he convinced himself he wanted nothing to do with this woman. He realised now that the yearning had always been there, he was just fighting the feeling as his logical mind couldn't reconcile with it. He had not wished to be directed by feelings he had not understood. He has assumed it was a sight of weakness, now he realised it showed the strength of their attachment to one another.

He turned his attention to Elizabeth, noting the uncertainty on her face.

"Please, say something." He pleaded.

"I... I do not know what to say" she blushed and lowered her lashes, not wishing him to see the pain that was likely there.

"You do not wish to share my chamber?" He tried, but could not keep the dejection from his voice.

Elizabeth immediately felt the need to comfort him, but how could she reconcile that feeling to the one of rejection and accusation from earlier in the week? She reached a hand towards him, fingers outstretch, then curled her fist and pulled it back. Darcy's shoulders slumped.

"I understand" he turned to walk away.

"You do not" her voice was quiet, but clear. He turned, a frown upon his face.

"You do not understand" she repeated, "You assume and yet you are turning without asking. Has suppositions not got us in to enough trouble these last weeks?"

She was proud her voice did not shake, even if it did not have her usual timbre to it.

Darcy smiled a little, relief flooding through him. She was correct, talking was the best way through, had he not learnt this truth? "I fear I am slow to learn this particular lesson. I may need reminding from time to time"

She laughed and they both appreciated the lessening of the tension.

She held out her arm, indicating he should sit with her.

"You must understand, sir, that we have always shared a great deal in the privacy of our chamber." She stopped, blushing deeply and taking some deep breaths to give her the fortitude required to continue with this conversation.

"It was always a place we could say anything to each other. We would listen to our thoughts on the day, on the people we had met, the follies and vices we had observed." She sighed "You taught me to be myself with you, to share everything, to enjoy your attentions. Everything I learnt, I learnt from you. When I came to you the other night I..."

She trailed off, sadness sweeping through her, a lone tear tracking down her cheek. Darcy's heart swelled with pity for her and anger at himself for causing such hurt.

He moved forward, off the seat he was on, and knelt in front of her. One hand enveloping both of hers, which were twisting together, the other gently brushing away the tear and its silvery track.

"Elizabeth" his voice was quiet, placating, as if he was talking to a skittish colt "I do, sincerely, apologise."

He stopped, gathering his thoughts "If I may explain? Not to excuse, only to show you how I have changed"

She nodded, he was unreasonably pleased at her allowing him to talk, he knew that he had to be careful.

"My parents, my aunt and uncle, most everyone I know has a marriage that has been arranged. Convenient, safe, one of connections or fortune. My expectations of marriage ran to those lines." He judged it best not to mention his thoughts on Caroline. Even he was not certain what he had been thinking there! Instead he smiled at her, thumb tracing the now dry path of her tear and truthfully told her "Affection, love, I had never even dreamed of, until I met you it seems"

He smiled gently at her and she could not help but lift a side of her mouth in return.

"I would never had expected my wife to approach me, in that way. I" he stuttered "I was completely shocked to see you. I had been telling myself of your unsuitability, wrongly deciding you had...tricked me" he trailed off as she gasped softly, hurt flashing throughout her beautiful eyes before she dropped them from his face. "I had twisted the facts to fit my version of events, I refused to see that they did not conform, even as I wished them to. Then you came to me and looked so... Beautiful"

The wistful tone of his voice made her look back at him, her eyes having been firmly fixed on her hands.

"I wanted you so badly, but I decided that was my weakness. How dare I be angry at you if it was my fault? Evidence that it was my weakness that led to our marriage. I reacted badly to my self-condemnation, lashing out at you when it was really myself I was angry at."

He took a deep breath and let it out in a long whoosh, hanging his head "I am so sorry. For everything"

Elizabeth raised her hand, caressing his cheek, she had lost track of how many apologies he had tendered that day. He seemed truly repentant and ashamed of his actions. "I forgive you"

He looked so hopeful, so grateful, that she couldn't help but laugh slightly.

"Of course I do, how could I not?"

"I do not deserve your forgiveness."

"And yet you have it all the same"

"Please, let us stay here, together. I wish to try to bring us back to where we were before..." He trailed away.

Elizabeth looked down at him, kneeling on the floor again. Her eyes were large with the tears swimming in them, but they did not fall. She merely nodded and, as one, they rose.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N - happy weekend world. Hope everyone has got a good one planned. for the sake of timeliness Im just gonna crack on with the next chapter. Really pleased that everyone is enjoying the time between oDc. These are the scenes I was writing when everyone was reading the horrible caro scenes. so I am pleased you are enjoying as much as I enjoyed writing...**

**Chapter 15. The morning steals upon the night, melting the darkness**

They proceeded shyly. Elizabeth, not knowing what he expected, Darcy not wishing to guess what it was she wanted.

They prepared for bed separately. Elizabeth, ready first, slipped between the warmed sheets. She wondered if Darcy was giving her time, as it seemed to take him a long time to return. When he entered she could only just make out his outline against the glow of the banked fire. The only sound, the crackling of the logs and the soft sound of his bare feet as he moved towards the bed. When the mattresses moved as he sat down she closed her eyes for a moment, holding her breath. Then he was there, beside her, his warmth and strength giving her comfort.

At first she did not know how to act and so she lay still, as if she had never laid with this man before.

"Elizabeth?" The voice was pitched low, but it still startled her.

"Yes" her voice trembled

"Are you well? You are very still. I can leave if my presence disturbs you"

Elizabeth almost laughed out loud. Yes his presence disturbed her, but not in the way he imagined. It felt strange to be so close, and yet so far, from each other. She had never gone so long without being held, being kissed, being loved. She felt the loss acutely and her body yearned for the feel of him.

"No" she whispered eventually "I do not wish for you to leave"

The bed moved slightly as he shifted position, rolling towards her.

"May I kiss you?"

She gasped a little, he wanted to kiss? Now? Like this?

"Only if you wish to?" The pitch of his voice rose at the end of the sentence, as if asking a question. She nodded her head, then laughed a little as she realised he would likely not be able to see her in the near dark.

"I believe I would like that."

She could feel, rather than see, his smile as he moved closer, his warm body pressing in to her side, he propped himself up on one arm, allowing the other to trace a light path down the side of her face. He stayed like that for a moment, a minute? An hour? Elizabeth hardly knew, she was mesmerised by the look in his eyes. She could barely see but the light seemed to catch his dark, intense, gaze and she could not look away. Then slowly, slowly, he lowered his lips to hers, pressing themselves against her, moulding her lips to his.

Then they began to move, unable to resist the closeness and the heat that flared between them.

...

Elizabeth woke to the feel of her husband's arms around her, her back pressed to his front, skin against skin, their night clothes having been discarded. She sighed, having slept well for the first night since his accident. His breathing was even, deep, telling her he was still asleep. She thought back to the night before. They had both moved slowly, talking their time re-establishing a pattern to their love making. Learning what pleased the other. She could not help but smile, a large happy, contented smile. One no one had seen on her face for some time.

She began to think that all would work out, he may not remember everything, but there was much that he did, and he seemed to remember his regard for her, if not yet love. She hoped that would be enough, she trusted in their connection, she trusted him.

Then her traitorous mind turned to fear, what if he should forget anew? She could not endure this again.

"What are you thinking of?" His voice was sleepy, soft and sensuous.

"Nothing of significance"

He shifted, rolling her over and looking at her. "It must have been something, you became all rigid, unhappy. Do you regret staying?"

Elizabeth's eyes widened "no" she breathed "of course not." She took a deep breath, talk it through, she told herself "I was only worrying"

"About what?" He prompted

"I am worried this might happen again"

Darcy looked unsettled and Elizabeth realised her words could be interpreted two ways. She hurried to reassure him.

"Not this, not us. I meant I am worried you will forget me again."

His gaze became sympathetic "I am certain it will not"

She raised an eyebrow in challenge "you cannot know that"

"No" he agreed "I cannot." He thought for a minute, eyes tracing the lines of her face, beautiful and ruffled from sleep and the nocturnal activities he had so enjoyed. "Maybe I can write a journal? Of all that has occurred these last few weeks, and all that I now understand from the last three years?"

Elizabeth smiled "you hate writing journals!"

"I would do it for you"

The look of love in her eyes was worth the sacrifice and he could not help but kiss her softly.

She smiled, sheepishly, "give me a minute?"

He agreed, she disappeared in to the dressing chamber and he rose, washing his face, rinsing his mouth and relieving himself before she came back, wrapped in a dressing gown.

"Now" she said, sitting next to him on the bed, "where were we" she leant in, kissing him firmly on the mouth. His next, startling, thought was how much he loved this woman, but it was some time before either of them thought of much again, beside the person with them.

...

Over breakfast, Elizabeth and Darcy had the welcome news that young Henry's fever had broken and he had eaten some porridge that morning.

"I believe we should return home" he looked to Elizabeth for his agreement. "There is that issue with the Thatchers that will need our attention."

Elizabeth smiled, wanting to spend some time with her, now less angry, husband.

"Of course dear sister. We are certainly happy for you to return home" Jane noticed the intimate smiles, and knew from her staff that the green room had not been used. She was hopeful her sister's troubles were coming to an end.

Bingley agreed also, offering to accompany them. Elizabeth and Darcy both shared a look before both insisting it was not necessary.

The Darcys arranged their carriage and promised to ensure that Caroline was suitably transported back to them.

...

Bingley, on finishing his breakfast, rose and indicated he wished to speak to Darcy. Once in his study, which was an expected chaos of letters, ink wells, paper and books. Darcy refrained from rolling his eyes.

"What can I do for you Charles?"

"Look, I'll not beat around the bush Darcy." Darcy suppressed the smile that threatened "I just wanted to... Ummm... Well I can see that things are much improved."

Darcy just nodded.

"I have to know that your intentions are" Charles paused, scratching his chin "well honourable, I suppose?"

Darcy looked somewhat perplexed. "Honourable?"

"Yes. No. Well sort of" Charles sank down behind the desk. "I just mean to say, well you are being rather accommodating. Considering you were unable to even talk to Elizabeth yesterday, I have to wonder if this new attitude will last. You aren't well known for being understanding. And Elizabeth, well she's very forgiving. You saw how quick she was to forgive me after abandoning Jane, and well I. Oh, I suppose you did not see how forgiving she was. Well, that is besides the point. All I mean is that she may forgive easily, but I will still look our for her."

Darcy considered his friend. He wanted to be angry at him, but he just couldn't.

"You are correct my friend. I am not sure if I can adequately explain. I feel so very guilty for treating Elizabeth so poorly. I will do anything to make it up to her. If that involves listening, trying to understand. Well that is a small price to pay. I have found that I enjoy listening to her and I, well the more I listen the more I learn of myself and my life."

Charles smiled "Well, that is something you need to learn of. You seem to be almost back to yourself"

Darcy smiled, tipping his head in a salute "I am very pleased to hear it"

...

Elizabeth and Darcy, by mutual agreement, stayed at Hansbury for a few hours. Walking through the park and talking with the Bingleys. After a light luncheon they set out for home.

They talked in the carriage, discussing their travels of the past. They had collectedly discovered that the combination of sensation and discussion would aid a recollection. Darcy had yet to tell Elizabeth that he had remembered a few more intimate encounters, he did not know how to approach that discussion. He loved those memories though, and would think on them when no one was watching him.

When they finally approached the front door of their home, both Darcy and Elizabeth felt the wave of contentment that usually accompanied their homecoming.

The contentment fled as they entered the door to much confusion. There was shouting and screeching and all manner of unusual noises.

Elizabeth looked, stupefied, at Darcy, who merely shrugged and indicated they should find out for themselves.

They followed the noise to the large drawing room, the one they entertained guests who were not family. It was very well proportioned and contained many fine pieces of art work, It was a room to display the lineage and wealth of Pemberley. Elizabeth did not favour it, but understood that it was necessary to sometimes have a show of wealth. She had found it particularly useful when entertaining the more frivolous members of the ton, the ones who thought a country miss was beneath their Mr Darcy.

Inside was a scene that shocked both Mr and Mrs Darcy.

Caroline was stood in the middle of the room, head held high, the best tea service laid out.

"How dare you speak to me this way" she was screeching at Mrs Reynolds "I will be the next Mrs Darcy and I will have you thrown from this house if you do not treat me with respect"

Mrs Reynolds was far calmer than Elizabeth would have expected, certainly far calmer than she would be.

"With all due respect, Miss Bingley" Elizabeth did not miss the emphasis on the title of Miss "Pemberley has a Mrs Darcy and we, none of us, are likely to look for another. You have no right to be inspecting the jewellery, or ordering the best tea service" she waved her hand at the tea service "or instructing the maids to make up the rooms for Lady Matlock. Or any of the changes you have been attempting to make these last two days. You are not the mistress of this house nor will I remain if you ever should be. However, in particular, you are in no way authorised to direct any aspect of Miss Darcy's care."

"That little brat had no right to be in my rooms. I was perfectly in my rights to reprimand her as I did, she deserved to be smacked"

Elizabeth was boiling with rage and made to step forward, but she underestimated Mr Darcy, and he beat her to it.

"Miss Bingley!" His tone was loud, booming around the room "am I to understand that you struck my daughter? In her own home?"

Miss Bingley whipped around, eyes wide, face flushed "Mr Darcy!" Her voice took on a simpering quality, sickly in its sweetness.

"Answer me!"

"Well, sir, you must understand. You said she should not be in the main part of the house." She trailed off. The look on Darcy's face was thunderous.

"Miss Bingley. Let me make this perfectly clear. Miss Darcy is none of your concern. You are not to judge her behaviour or intervene. You are wholly unconnected with her. You are never to lay one finger on her again or I will call the magistrate. Do I make myself clear?"

Caroline was wide eyed "y...y...yes." She took a deep breath, dimpling up at him as she stepped closer "of course, you are correct. She is not my concern. Now that you are back we can continue our conversations?" She raised an eyebrow.

Darcy stared at her, aghast. He had just reprimanded her and she was trying to flirt? In front of Mrs Darcy and a number of servants? The gall of the woman, she must be unhinged somehow.

"Let me make his clear. You will never be Mrs Darcy." He stepped away to create more distance between them. "I may have encouraged an intimacy that has long since passed but you are unbelievable. You knew my intentions had changed and yet you spun tales of entrapment and deceit. Half truths to make my marriage appear in as poor a light as possible. I am ashamed at myself for listening to the bitter rantings of one such as you, but you! I am disgusted by your behaviour. You are no longer welcome in my home and I expect your immediate removal. The carriage will be readied and your belongings will be transported as soon as possible thereafter."

"But Mr Darcy..." The look on Caroline's face was one of pure shock and confusion.

"Good day Miss Bingley"

He nodded to Mrs Reynolds and made to turn away but he underestimated the fury of the woman scorned.

"You wretch" she shrieked at Elizabeth "you've stolen him from me again! How dare you! I should have been Mrs Darcy!"

Elizabeth barely moved and yet she seemed taller somehow, more imposing, Caroline visibly shrank before the wrath of her eyes. Her voice, however, was calm almost absentminded, as if she was addressing an inanimate object "And yet you are not. No matter how hard you try, you will never be me and Mr Darcy will never be yours"

She turned in a whirl of skirts and walked out, hurrying to find her daughter. An unladylike shriek rent the air as she walked away, but she did not flinch, merely continued upwards.

Mr Darcy looked coldly at the woman before him, all shreds of the elegant lady he had once considered were gone. "I was never yours to be stolen." He turned and followed his wife, his long strides easily catching up with her on the stairs as they headed towards their daughter's rooms together.

**P.S - we're not done with caro yet. mwah hah hah...**


	16. Chapter 16

**a/n - so ive been having technical difficulties again. I am not terribly computer literate and Ive been having uploading issues with the site. **

**Also, after editing I found my final chapter was over three thousand words long, so i've had to split it in to two. sorry. The bad news is that this is a slightly shorter chapter, but the good news is just one more chapter (after this) and then an epilogue.**

**interesting word in this chapter. I had originally written the term ruckus, but turns out that was only coined towards the end of the 1800. so I have swapped it with ruction, It may be a little extreme, given that it was a term used to discribe rioting behaviour, but that is what I am going with!**

**I know a lot of you are desparate for som D /AJ time and for the completion of the caro smack down...**

**So without further ado...**

**Chapter 16. - Love sought is good, but given unsought, is better.**

Darcy was walking beside Elizabeth, both anxious to find out just what had occurred between Miss Binggley and their daughter. Hoping she was not affected by the events as they understood them.

As they walked, Elizabeth spoke, nervousness infusing her tone "Fitzwilliam. Whilst I appreciate all at has just happened, I need to check on Annie Jay, Anne. I cannot " she stopped, she could not really order her husband to do anything "I mean to say, please, if you are not open to the possibility of being affectionate with Anne, it may be best if you allow me to see her alone. I cannot watch her react to you as she did two days ago."

Darcy stopped, turning her to face him, "I know I have acted poorly." He grimaced "I feel as if I am forever asking for your understanding. If I could explain? You must know my mother and father did not spend a great deal of time with me as a young boy, I do not know if we discussed my childhood but I feel as if we would have shared. Father barely even visited Georgiana as a child and then, as she grew up, she was always busy with governesses. Since father died I did spend some time with her, but it was as a brother not as a parent. I am not certain I understand your way of parenting"

Elizabeth was frowning "Does that mean you do not wish to continue as we began? It was both of us who made the decision to be more involved in our daughter's life"

Darcy sighed, this was not going well "I wish to know my daughter, to know how she is with you. I am just not certain I can be as I was before. I do not know how I was before." He threw up his hands in exasperation "I have no experience of younger children. If you feel it would be preferable for me to be absent, then I shall do as you ask. However I would like to see that Annie Jay is well, if you would permit me?"

Elizabeth softened the expression on her face, Darcy's use of her given nick name reassuring her he was in earnest. "If you are willing to try, and that is all I ask, I would suggest you allow her to lead you and try to keep an open mind."

Darcy nodded, an expression somewhere between fear and hope upon his face, and they continued on.

...

Anne was in her rooms, Elizabeth and Darcy entered together and Darcy stopped at the sight before him. There on the floor, the floor, was Lady Isabelle Fitzwilliam, the countess of Matlock. Anne Darcy was sat on her knee, two stuffed dolls jumping up and down and hiding in the ruffles of her skirt.

Elizabeth ran forward.

"Aunt Isabelle! How lovely to find you here" she gracefully sank to the floor next to the two ladies and promptly gave her daughter a hug and a kiss followed by an awkward embrace with the older woman. It was not easy to embrace whilst sat upon the floor.

"Elizabeth dear, there you are. I am so pleased you have returned. I hope you have done something with the riff raff downstairs?"

Elizabeth laughed "she has been well taken care of, I assure you"

"Mama"

"Hello lovely girl. Are you well my dear?"

Anne nodded and Elizabeth turned questioning eyes to her aunt.

She nodded, leaning in to whisper "I believe Miss Bingley may have smacked her across the leg, but there is no mark and she did not even cry. I am certain she was more surprised than hurt. The servants were quick to act and brought her to cook for a treat before brining her here to play with me"

Elizabeth smiled in relief and turned her eyes back to her daughter who was looking around the room.

"Daddy!" The exclamation was loud. Anne jumped up and grabbed at Darcy's hands, tugging him over to join the group on the floor.

"Look daddy. My dolly"

Darcy looked a little startled but a look at the raised eyebrow of his wife put him at ease.

"What is her name?"

"She Izzy like Great Auntie" she gestured to Lady Isabelle.

"A very good name for such a pretty dolly"

"Look. She sleep here" she pulled him over to a baby cot, set up next to her own bed.

Anne proceeded to show Darcy all the toys in the nursery, pointing out her favourites, what she did with them and where they all slept. She then made him read her a story, joining in with the occasional word or sound. Part way through the story she climbed in to his lap and a few minutes later he looked up at Elizabeth, who nodded at the sleeping Anne.

Darcy carefully moved to place the book down, then lifted the sleeping form in his arms and placed her where Elizabeth directed him to. His heart aching at the feel of the little girl, so trusting and forgiving, in his embrace. He kissed her gently on the forehead and spoke under his breath.

"Thank you for forgiving me. I am so sorry little one, I will never hurt you again"

He turned, both Elizabeth and Lady Matlock pretended to not notice as he quickly swiped a hand over his eyes, and the three of them left the room.

...

The trio made their way down the steps to the main floor of Pemberley. An unspoken agreement to settle in for a catch up with some refreshments in the family sitting room.

It was at the bottom of the grand staircase they both became aware of the ruction. They had hoped that the Caroline issue had been resolved, they were wrong.

A loud shrieking was coming from the direction of the main door. The three looked at each other and, as one, they hastened their steps to see what was the matter.

Caroline was not done, it seemed. There was a carriage, one of the Bingley footmen, and a maid all waiting on her.

"I will not be removed. This is to be my home. I deserve to be mistress."

She was tugging a valise from the hands of a footman, who was almost smirking as he kept hold of it, the tugs of the woman in front of him nigh on comical in their ineffectiveness.

"Miss Bingley!" Mr Darcy's voice boomed "desist this unseemly behaviour at once."

"I will not be ejected in a manner unbefitting of one of my station"

Elizabeth and Darcy both stared, open mouthed, at the gall of the woman. They would both of them have intervened but at that moment Lady Matlock strode forward, slapping Miss Bingley clear across the face.

The sound reverberated throughout the hall, all other sounds seeming to cease simultaneously. The voice of Lady Isabelle Fitzwilliam, the Countess of Matlock rang out through the halls of Pemberley.

"How dare you, Miss Bingley. You have no station, you are not worthy of any of the pretentious to which you aspire. Leave, now, or you shall feel my wrath amongst the ton and you will find yourself barred from all good company, not just my own and the Darcy homes."

Miss Bingley stared, open mouthed, hand pressed to the reddening cheek.

After a moment she turned, lifted her chin and walked slowly towards the exit. As her foot was crossing the threshold Elizabeth spoke up. Her voice no less clear and authoritative than that of Lady Matlock.

"Miss Bingley." She didn't wait to ensure Caroline was listening "I would advise finding a husband as soon as may be, one who is not of our circles. You will never darken a Darcy doorstep again, nor claim any sort of intimacy with my family. I will forget you from this moment forward, but I am quite certain you will remember my words. Do I make myself clear?"

Miss Bingley had paused at Mrs Darcy's words. She dipped her chin in the barest of nods, without turning to look, before continuing to the waiting coach. Neither the Darcys, nor Lady Matlock waited to see her mount, they all had turned and were on their way. All three instantly forgetting the woman who had plagued them for so long. Miss Bingley, as predicted, was slower to forget, dwelling upon the unfairness of her situation for years to come.

**Ding dong the witch is gone ;)**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey, mostly happy people now that caro has had some sense slapped in to her. Not all though, but i take your points! :) **

**So, coming to an end, I hope you all enjoyed my little story despite the horridness of caro and d flirting. Its been a blast, as always, writig and listening to everyones responses. **

**Ive got an epilogue prepared, i'll get it up asap. **

**Thanks to all of you for reading and or reviewing. Its all much appreciated.**

**Chapter 17 - Tis in my memory lock'd, And you yourself shall keep the key of it**

Once they were all settled in the drawing room, Lady Matlock turned to Elizabeth, flexing her fingers.

"I do declare that is the very first time I have ever struck someone. Honestly, that woman has been irritating me for years, I have tolerated her for your sister's sake only, dear Jane. However, I just couldn't resist being part of teaching her a long overdue lesson." She waved her hand, as if chasing away an irritating, orange coloured, bug. "Now, Lizzie, tell me how much of a fool my nephew has made of himself"

Elizabeth grimaced "why would you ask such a thing?"

"I received a letter from Lady Catherine, some nonsense about Darcy finally turning you out of Pemberley. My husband wrote to say Darcy had written him asking about his marriage and Georgiana sent an express begging me to come to Pemberley and aid you in your quest to help her silly brother remember he married the best of women. I deduced the fool part."

Elizabeth laughed. "That about covers it"

"Well you can be assured both I and my husband have written to Lady Catherine and told her she was being a fool. She has never forgiven you for stealing Darcy away from Anne. And that sop of a husband she found for her was no replacement, for all that he comes with an estate of his own. I know you encouraged Darcy to reconcile after your marriage but I hope you see now that Lady Catherine does not forgive and forget. You would do well to remain wary of her. But the less said on that family the better."

Lady Matlock turned to Darcy "Why did you not write to me?"

Darcy looked sheepish "I assumed my Uncle would share his missive with you"

"Well I was not in London, I had accompanied the Viscount and his wife to her family seat. As soon as I heard of your accident I made all haste to Pemberley. Somerset is fearful far away."

"Oh Aunt Isabelle, have you travelled all the way from Clevedon court? How tired you must be!"

"Do not fuss, I arrived late yesterday. Although breaking my fast was such a shock when I found that woman sat in the mistresses seat. I had sent notice but I understand it arrived not long after you left."

Elizabeth raised her eyebrows.

"Now, boy" Lady Isabelle turned to the silent Darcy "what have you to say for yourself? Mrs Reynolds tells me you have been running around after that woman like a pup! She says she wanted to speak to you but did not know how to approach you. I have never known Mrs Reynolds to shy away from a good telling off. Yet she tells me you were nigh on unapproachable"

Darcy looked shocked and sat speechless.

Elizabeth took pity on her inarticulate husband "Aunt Isabelle, things have been difficult. Fitzwilliam has found it a challenge to understand how our marriage came about. He seems to have lost the memories of our courtship following his fall from that horse." She smiled tremulously at Darcy "we have made some progress of late, and I am hopeful some of his memories are returning."

Darcy looked with such relief at his wife that she could not help but smile fully at him.

"Elizabeth is correct, Aunt. Unfortunately so are you. I cannot recall the details of my marriage or Georgiana's or anything that happened after the year eleven. I ... Reacted ... Badly"

"No doubt you forgot to ask those who would be most likely to know the answers. Did it even occur to you to talk to Mrs Reynolds?"

"Honestly, no"

Lady Matlcok huffed, a most unladylike noise. Elizabeth had to suppress the smile that threatened.

"Well, I shall tell you of all the best stories from your marriage. Call for tea dear, this will take a while"

It was almost an hour later, Lady Isabelle showed no sign of slowing down, but Elizabeth could see Darcy was beginning to suffer from a headache. Once the latest story was over she stepped in.

"Perhaps we should save the rest of the stories for dinner. I, for one, need a rest after all the travelling hither and thither of the last few days."

Darcy threw her a grateful look, rising as the ladies did. "I am grateful, aunt, at your intentions to aid my memory as much as possible." He looked sideways at Elizabeth, mischief in his gaze "I am certain that the shade of blue on Elizabeth's gown, for the Hawkins soirée, will be just the thing to jog my memory"

Isabelle narrowed her eyes at her nephew "I see you have remembered how to give cheek, young man"

They all chuckled and Lady Isabelle approached, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "I do so hope that things are ameliorated with Elizabeth" she whispered "she is so dear to us"

He smiled down at his aunt "I will do everything in my power to make it up to her"

She smiled, patted him on the arm "see that you do"

She turned and left the two Darcys to themselves.

Elizabeth moved and spoke quietly to a footman, sending him for some tea things, settling in to spend some quiet time with her slightly overwhelmed husband.

...

Lady Matlock stayed a week, enough time to tell Darcy four times over of the preceding three years.

By the end of the week, Darcy missed his wife's gentle ways of reminding him of his past. His headaches were still common place, Elizabeth's teas were exceedingly helpful. He continued to have flashes of memory, and was now also able to remember a few key events, other than the carriage ride post wedding. He had remembered some events in the ton, Elizabeth's curtsy before the queen, Georgiana's come out ball, and time at Pemberley, amidst other things.

The issue with the tenants had been resolved, to everyone's satisfaction. Darcy had been impressed by the grace and compassion which Elizabeth used to listen to the concerned parties and come up with a suitable solution. He could see how well liked she was by all the families dependant on Pemberley.

He spent a portion of everyday with Anne. His memories of her were frustratingly few. So he concentrated on making new ones. He played, read and talked to her and she often fell asleep on his knee. She had completely forgiven his earlier harsh treatment, in the manner common to young children, and he was grateful for that.

Elizabeth, too, had forgiven him. His daily actions told her of his respect for her, despite not remembering much of their courtship or marriage. He continued to be angry at his actions and frequently berated himself for his idiocy. Darcy had been true to his word and wrote in a diary frequently, it was nearly up to date. With many spaces ready for his memories came back, should they come back, to add his own observations to the facts that had been discussed.

They had received word from Mr Bingley. Caroline had returned home, evidence of Lady Matlock's actions upon her cheek. Caroline had tried to prevaricate but Jane had remained firm and demanded an explanation.

When the full story of her duplicity and ill intent became known, Bingley had banished her from his home, sending her to Newcastle to stay with distant relations whom had requested a companion for an elderly, and quite senile, grandmother. Bingley had signed over the content of Miss Bingley's dowry to the patriarch of the Thompson household, where she was to stay. It would become hers to direct on her thirtieth birthday, which had been specified in their fathers will.

Charles hoped she would have found a husband, preferably in Newcastle, by then. But honestly he wanted no part of her anymore. She had gone too far, even for Jane to make the best of. They had apologised profusely and been forgiven with alacrity.

Caroline was never mentioned between them again.

...

Darcy was re-reading a portion of his diary, the events following his daughter's birth, when he had a memory of her as a baby. She was crying and would not settle, she had been fed, winded. Elizabeth had tried to feed again, the nurse had tried to settle her, nothing would work. He had picked her up and lay her over his arm, face down and rubbed her back, swaying and crooning. Within minutes she had been asleep. He remembered watching his mother comfort Georgiana in a similar way, and when she had been poorly he had carried her in that manner.

He hurried to find Elizabeth, wanting to share his memory.

She was sat in the widow seat of her study, breeze playing with her hair, eyes shut. At first he thought she was asleep, but then he noticed her face was pinched, uncomfortable.

"Elizabeth? Are you well?"

She startled slightly, her face smoothing out in to the usual calm expression.

"Of course"

"You looked uncomfortable"

"I..." She stammered "Tis only"

Darcy just looked at her, not knowing if he should press her for more, he noticed her face took on a determined expression.

"I am glad you are come. There is something I wish to discuss"

His brow creased in confusion "of course" he murmured, wondering at the formality.

"Are we" she stopped "is everything as it should be between us?"

Darcy looked confused "I believe so."

She looked down so he continued "I am hopeful I have atoned for my behaviour, I am recalling more details often. If there is ought more you wish from me you have only to ask"

Elizabeth lifted her chin, she had to ask "what is your opinion of me?"

Darcy looked shocked by the blatant question

"You have allied my fears about Miss B, I shall not name her further. Your attentions to Anne are marked. We seem content again. I am content, and yet, I am still uncertain how you feel about me. I know you do not regret our marriage, but that is not the same as wishing for it."

Darcy gathered her to him as a sob escaped her. "Dearest, Lovliest, Elizabeth. I have been remiss in not detailing to you how much you have come to mean to me. How important you are, not just to my memories, but to my well being, my life."

He stopped, lifting her chin to look at him, wiping away a tear he kissed her gently.

"I love you," he pressed his forehead to hers before continuing "more deeply than I thought possible to love a woman. I should have said so from the moment I realised it. I don't know if I only fully realised it right this second, but it is true. I love you, completely and unreservedly"

Pulling back slightly, she smiled, a watery, but happy, smile.

"I am so pleased"

He wiped away another tear "why so many tears my love?"

"Tis only" she hiccuped slightly and stepped away, pulling his hand so that she pressed her lips to his fingers, before placing his hand across her belly "I could not bear our second child to born in to a loveless marriage"

His eyes looked to the hand, pressing against the slight swell he had not previously noticed. They then rose to look in to the watery depths of Elizabeth's eyes. "Truly?"

She nodded. "I felt the quickening this week. We likely conceived two or three months before your accident, I had suspicions, of course, but there never seemed a good time to say anything."

He smiled, a beaming smile, one full of radiant happiness. He gathered her to him again, gently pressing his lips to hers.

"What wonderful news" he murmured, then he laughed. He lifted her and twirled around and she could not help but join in.

...

It was later that night, whilst he was holding her close, hand pressed to her belly. The swell was obvious now that he thought on it. He whispered to the bump. Telling it how much he loved them, how excited he was to meet them.

He was struck by flashes of talking to bumps, small at first then steadily bigger. He would tell it of his day, how much he looked forward to meeting her (he knew this was Anne he was talking to). He felt overwhelming happiness at having such precious memories back, wanting to wake Elizabeth and share them with her, but restraining as she needed her rest. Instead he kissed her neck and settled down behind her, allowing the pleasing memories to give way to pleasant dreams.

Vowing to never forget them again.


	18. Chapter 18

**Awwww shucks guys, glad you seemed to like the ending. i always feel a little sad when my stories come to an end. although the writing bug has bitten me again, so I might go back and carry on with my witches sequel. Or ive got a couple more plot bunnies running in my head. I quite like keeping my stories a bit shorter. the witches sequel is alteady some 50 thousand words but I lost my muse so not written the end, and I dislike posting if im not sure how i'm gonna finish. So many stories I have found unfinished, some brill ones too. gutted when I get to a point and there are no more posts!**

**anyway, my main author notes needs to be a **

**WARNING. **

**I suspect I will get some unhappy readers so here is my warning. If you like all sunshine and rainbows do not read beyond the major page break. If you dont mind bitter sweet, feel free to read on (i'm ducking behind my sofa, so feel free to throw plenty of, virtual, tomatoes!)**

**...**

**EPILOGUE - FORGET ME NOT.**

September 1818 - It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves.

Darcy took a deep, satisfying, breath of the clear Derbyshire air. He had always felt more at home in Derbyshire than anywhere else. Today was no exception. He had spent the preceding week in London, Business that could not be delayed, and today he was returning to his wife of six years.

He looked out over the park. The building of Pemberley stood proud and majestic against the hilly backdrop. The lowering sun casting long, red tinged shadows around it, making the scene look as if it were a glow. He smiled to himself, imagining Elizabeth in her favourite room, one that she could watch the sun set from.

His thoughts turned back over the last three years. First alighting on memories of his children. Anne was now a confident child of five. Clever and discerning and always watching out for her younger brother.

Bennet, or Ben as everyone called him, had been born in the spring following Darcy's accident. He adored his sister and would follow her anywhere. Darcy had insisted on being present for his birth, still lamenting that he could not remember the details of his first daughter's birth. Elizabeth had tried countless times to reassure him that he had not been present and therefore a memory of pacing the study was not one to miss, but he missed it all the same.

His latest daughter, Florence Madeleine Darcy, was named for both their favourite aunts. She had been born a mere six weeks prior and Darcy had hated to leave them. But Elizabeth had insisted and she had been correct. The business would not had waited and a significant investment would have been lost had he not gone.

He still kept a detailed journal, including one that contained any memories as they came to him, although these were very infrequent these days. He could recall many details of the first three years of his marriage, but suspected that the full memories would remain elusive. But who could claim a perfect memory anyway? His only regret was that he could not recall speaking his vows. That was a memory he wished for more than anything. On the whole he was grateful, he had been lucky and his accident, could have cost him so much more.

Bingley and Jane remained on the best of terms with the Darcys. Their little family was also growing, although Jane had only birthed boys so far. Caroline had been sent to the north and had accepted the first marriage proposal that came her way. She was a leader in the society around Newcastle and was content with her lot, outwardly. She rarely came to London, not since an incident of Lady Matlock, Elizabeth and Georgiana collectively giving her the cut direct about a year after her attempt to drive a wedge in between Mr and Mrs Darcy.

Georgiana had delivered safely, her son a few months older than his own. The boys were on the best of terms and Darcy was very impressed with his brother in law. Gerogiana's predictions seemed to be correct. Her husband's brother had not had any further children. Her son would likely inherit the baronet one day. Elizabeth had also proven correct, Darcy preferred his brother in law for his good nature and his affectionate regard for Georgiana, rather than his connections or fortune.

Wickham had not intruded upon his notice. Lydia had not had any children, as of yet, and spent the majority of her time moving between her relatives houses, finding them preferable to her husband's. She had, surprisingly, developed some maturity in the past few years. Likely brought on by her disillusionment with her husband's proclivities. She was still lively, but less inclined to impropriety, even if only for the sake of maintaining her welcome at the Bingley's or Darcy house.

One of his favourite brothers was Captain Williams. A naval officer of some forty years whom had become enamoured of Kitty about a year prior to his accident. They had married and Kitty had been travelling abroad his ship. He had amassed quite a fortune in the navy and had bought a comfortable home for Kitty in Nottighamshire. Only fifty miles of good road stood between Pemberley and their home. She had elected to stay home once her twins had been born, about a year ago, and the captain tended to stay closer to home on campaigns. Between Darcy and the captain there was a steady friendship built on a mutual respect.

He turned his thoughts back to his wife. He had never had cause to regret his choice of bride. His love for her had only grown. Each successive year showing him more of the amazing, capable, beautiful, intelligent, impertinent, opinionated and strong woman she was. He smiled, wanting to be back near her, to hold her, kiss her and generally spend some time in her company. He tended to partition his life as pre and post meeting Elizabeth. The years after his marriage being the happiest he could name, not withstanding the short episode of upset three years ago.

The young stallion beneath him shifted. The horse was the first offspring of Mars, now some two years of age. He had retired his stalwart, yet troublesome, horse from being ridden and put him out to stud. The result was some very spirited, strong horses. This horse, Thesius, was less skittish than Mars, but still required a strong hand.

He soothed the anxious beast then kicked his horse in to a comfortable trot and made his way through the woods. Eagerly anticipating his welcome home.

...

******************************...FINIS...**********************

...

He couldn't say what happened, though he thought it was likely a snake. The path was overgrown, he should have taken the horse around, but he had not considered it to be dangerous. It was almost with sardonic amusement that he felt the horse bunch under him, neigh in agitation, then surge forward. His eyes rolling, bit chomping, hooves flying.

Blast he thought, as he lifted from the saddle and felt himself falling to the earth.

...

Pain.

...

That was the first sensation, a deep throbbing, all consuming pain in his head.

He groaned and lifted a hand to touch the back of it. Considering how he fell he would not be surprised to find a cut to the back of his head. There was no wetness there and he was relieved. He then thought on the peculiarity of not feeling any dampness. Hadn't he fallen off his horse in the woods? His eyes were still closed. This he noted with almost surprise.

It was then that other senses began to intrude upon his waking thoughts. He was not only dry, but comfortable and warm and most certainly not in riding attire. The smells that surrounded him were of indoors and fire and wood, a smell he recognised. Unfortunately the feelings, both of pain and uncertainty were all too familiar.

He tried to move his head and groaned again.

Oh no! He thought, How can I have fallen again? He forced his thoughts to swim through the pain. He could not allow the same issues as the previous fall. He thought, with relief, back on the memories of his wife, his children.

He felt a cool compress on his forehead. Hoping to relieve his wife's certain anxiety, he reached up and grasped the small fingers tending to him. Bringing them to his lips he kissed them, murmuring his thanks for her care.

The gasp of shock had his eyes flying open where he was confronted by an extremely startled maid.

"Thank you Molly, that will be all" the welcome voice of his valet brought his eyes to the other occupant of the room.

He was confused by the younger looking, albeit familiar, man that stood there.

"Thompson?"

"Yes sir" the maid scuttled out of the room "I think you have given young Molly quite the fright. 'Tis not like you to make advances towards the maids. That bump to the head must have been worse than I thought."

Darcy was completely affronted "I should think not. A married man such as myself would never consider acting so improperly"

The look of confusion on his valet's face only served to make him more irate.

"I was expecting my wife to be tending me" he frowned, why was she not there? Then he thought she may be concerned about his memory again. "Would you please fetch Elizabeth so that I might reassure her I have not forgotten her?"

"Elizabeth?" His valet frowned. "Mayhap I should get the doctor"

"No, as you know I am quite experienced at these injuries. I feel perfectly well. How long ago was my fall?"

"Not more than a few hours, sir. Although you were only unconscious for a matter of minutes. I dare say you were lucky. one of the groomsmen saw you fall and acted most precipitously. A few men returned you to the house and you were already starting to awaken. You have been sleeping since then, and having plenty of dreams I dare say. You have been quite vocal in your sleep state"

"I do not talk in my sleep" he was becoming quite cross. "would you please fetch Elizabeth?"

"I am sorry, sir, but I am uncertain of whom you could be speaking"

A cold, sinking feeling was overcoming Darcy as he looked around the room. He suddenly recognised the unusual decor and with a sickening certainty he knew he was in his rooms at Netherfield.

"Thompson. Please, answer me quickly. What year is it?"

"Tis October the 12th in the year 11." His valet, noticing his masters distress, expounded on the details "you are currently residing with your friend Mr Bingley at Netherfield park in Hertfordshire. We have been here for a little over a week. You fell from Mars on your early morning ride today."

"I'm not married?" Darcy whispered, tears gathering in his eyes.

"No sir, although I believe you have been considering entering the state of matrimony of late"

Darcy closed his eyes, turning his face away from his valet "Thank you, that will be all"

"Very good sir. I will see if the housekeeper had any tinctures that might help with your confusion and the headache you are bound to have." he bowed and left and Darcy allowed the tears to fall.

...

Almost a week later Darcy had filled three notebooks with his rambling accounts of his fictional marriage. He was completely recovered from his fall from Mars and was out in the garden, he had sustained very few injuries. He had been told he was exceedingly lucky.

He hadn't felt lucky, but he knew what he must do now.

There had been significant rain the night before, he had been dining with the officers and on his return he had found Miss Bennet had taken ill when visiting Miss Bingley.

He was now walking the gardens, hoping his expectations were not unfounded.

When he heard a twig snap he turned to view the glowing countenance of Miss Elizabeth Bennet.

Taking a deep breath he approached, bowing to the startled woman.

"Miss Elizabeth, you must be here to see to your sister. You look remarkably well this morning, shall I escort you to her?"

He offered his arm, noting the look of surprise and uncertainty on her face.

He smiled to himself.

He had managed to fall in love with this woman. Twice. And he had convinced her to fall in love with him despite behaving abominably on more than one occasion. How would he fare if he were to openly court her?

He vowed he could have her half in love with him by the time she left Netherfield, and he looked forward to the challenge if not. He smiled, showing his dimples, to the woman who lightly touched his arm. Her slight gasp and widening of the eyes were reassuring. He was looking forward to this, he meant to remember every detail of his courtship and marriage on this occasion.

In the mean time he had his memories to reflect upon and he knew, with complete certainty, that Elizabeth Bennet was destined to, one day, be called Elizabeth Darcy.

**ok guys, so one or two (negative comments are always a guest) who didnt like the story and or the ending. but most of you seem to not hate me for the twist. All the positive comments are much appreciated. I have had a few pleas to continue, so that is what I am gonna do. keep an eye on my page. ill get the first chapter up in the next week...:)**


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